Just Another Day

Its another Friday and as per usual I am stuck at work. Its been a crazy week… really really crazy week.

I got my last paper back from my teacher in my Analytical Writing class… 98. I really have no clue how I am getting these grades. I never got grades like this back in the day. I know I talk about it alot but I am surprised. I was an below average student. I graduated high school with barely a 2.5 gpa and my only college choice was the local community college. Which I did a semester in before quitting.

Lets see what else… my past week was stressful for health concerns. I found a lump in my breast last week – after waiting a few days before calling the doctors to make sure it wasn’t just a swollen gland. But luckily, after going to the docs and my first ever mammogram – I am clean and cancer free. What it is is a cystic fiber – something or another. Basically a bunch of fibers that formed a cyst that will go away with lack of caffeine. And I have been drinking a lot of caffeine lately – which helps make these little buggers. But I didn’t tell the world until now because I didn’t want to have to contact everyone and say – hey I found a lump and then a week later say – oh it was nothing but a stupid cyst. But in truth, its still scary. I was stressed to the max and my mom tried to console me but it doesn’t always help. I just wanted to know.

I sold my kilt – it had gotten to big for me… I am using some of the money to buy new t-shirts because most of mine are now also too big for me. I can wear a large now – its tight and fitted but I think it looks good. I don’t really know. Guess I will find out when I get it in. I mean, I can’t buy babydolls yet but I prefer the mens style shirts anyways. Oh and the rest is to pay bills off… I always have bills to pay off.

My workouts have been kinda blah… I took Monday and Thursday off and part of me does not want to go to the gym tonight but just go to the movies right after work instead. But I will go and do something. I have no idea what but I have to do something. I am down another lb this week though. So, yeah! But psychologically I am utterly beat and don’t want to think about anything. But if I go today I can take Sunday off…

With work, stress about school, trying to find money for school and everything else – I just need to escape. And even though I love my Sims 2 – its just not doing it right now. I recently started playing again just to get away from my real world and into a fake world where I can control everything and give my fake people lots and lots of fake mulla and build them big houses!

But I got notice that my day for class sign up for the summer is coming up. I figured out which classes I am going to take during the summer session – a science and lab. We will see if I get into the anatomy and physiology class like I want to. I do need to spend sometime this weekend appliying for finanical aid and hope to the gods that I actually get it. I am afraid I may make too much and they don’t take into account that I have a hellasious mortgage but as always, we will just have to see.

I have some other things I want to talk about but will do that another day… I need to eat lunch.

Workouts this week – as per usually the m stands for minutes, # for pounds:

3-21-09, Saturday

Warm Up
10m – Treadmill, Interval Inclines, 2.5mph

3 x 15 @ 40# – Rear Delt
3 x 15 @ 60# – Fly
3 x 15 @ 125/120/115 – Hip Abductions
3 x 15 @ 125/120/115 – Hip Adductions

25m – Elliptical Crossramp, Glute Trainer, Resistance 8

3-22-09, Sunday

Warm Up
10m – Treadmill, 3.8mph, Intervals

Round 1
10 @ 40# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# + bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
10 @ 10# dumbbells – should press
30 – crunches w/ legs on stability ball and bicycle move
5m – treadmill, random inclines, 4.0mph

Round 2
10 @ 40# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# + bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
10 @ 10# dumbbells – lat raises
25 – jack knifes w/ 6# medicine ball
5m – treadmill, rolling hills, 4.0mph

Round 3
10 @ 50# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# + bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
30 – crunches w/ legs on stability ball and bicycle move
5m – treadmill, random inclines, 4.0mph

Round 4
10 @ 50# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# +bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
10 @ 10# dumbbells – lat raises
25 – jack knifes w/ 6# medicine ball
5m – treadmill, random inclines, 4.0mph

Round 5
10 @ 50# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# + bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
10 @ 10# dumbbells – should press
30 – crunches w/ legs on stability ball and bicycle move
15m – treadmill, intervals inclines, 3.5mph

3-24-09, Tuesday

20m – Elliptical Crossramp, Intervals, Resistance 8
1 x 15 @ 55# – Leg Extensions
3 x 15 @ 55# – Leg Curls
3 x 15 @ 80# – Calf Machine
10m – Elliptical, Hill Intervals

yeah I know its really short but oh well, it was a long day. I had to go for some testing early yesturday morning and I was just beat.  This was the day I went for the mam.

3-25-09, Wednesday

Warm Up
10m – Treadmill, 3.5mph, Incline 5

4 x 10 @ 60# – Smith Squats
4 x 12 @ bar only – underhanded row – freeweights
4 x 12 @ 10# weights – lat raises
1 x 15 @ 190# counterweight – chin ups
3 x 10 @ 190# counterweight – chin ups
4 x 12 @ 15# dumbbells – stability ball chest press
4 x 10 @ 20# barbell – curls
4 x 20 sec – curls
10 sec rest between each 20sec rep
4 x 20 sec – reverse crunches
10 sec rest between each 20sec rep

Workouts and A Realization

Weighed in this morning – a solid 218 – a total loss of .8 lbs since last week.

I’ve been looking at my calorie intake vs my burn and I am wondering if I am not eating enough.

According to a calculator I just did I can eat :

If you exercise for 60 minutes each day, you will be able to reach your goal weight with 2444.3 calories per day.

And according to the online food journal I use…

You should consume about 2250 calories a day to reach your goal weight of 195 lbs.

This is at a reasonable weight loss average of 1.5 lbs per week, which should be reached by July 05, 2009.

Remember that this estimate is based on your body weight, height, age, gender, and activity level. It may vary slightly depending on other factors.

I am averaging about 600 – 900 calorie burn per workout (avg of the course of the past 7 days), adding to my avg daily burning of 2790… that is about 3390 – 3690. I don’t even want to think about those days I burned 1500 cals during a workout and barely ate anything.

Intake wise… over the past 7 days I have avg about 1500 – 1900 calories per day.

Giving me a difference of 1790 – 1890 calories between my intake vs. burn. I have read that you should have more then 1200 calories difference?

I am wondering if I am not eating enough so when I have a cheat day all that extra is being held hostage by my body because it feels it is being starved? I think so. But we will see what happens. I will be talking to my trainer tonight and seeing what he thinks.

3-18-09 Workout

Warm Up
15mins – Treadmill 2.5mph incline intervals.

Power Aerobics Class – basically:

Group Power is your hour of power! This 60 minute barbell program strengthens all your major muscles in an inspiring, motivating group environment with fantastic music and awesome instructors with simple, athletic movements such as squats, lunges, presses and curls, Group Power is for all ages and fitness levels. Discover results, discover Group Power!

3-19-09 Workout

20mins – Elliptical Crossramp, Resistance 7, Cross Training – lots of leg work.
3 x 15 @ 80# – Calf Machine
3mins – Intervals, Incline 5, 3.5 & 4.8 (this is when I realized I forgot to do my inhaler before workout and couldn’t breathe. d’oh!)
17mins – Treadmill, Incline 5, 3.5mph

Thats about it. My body is still really sore from the power workout. Today is my rest day. Back to the gym on Saturday for more fun and games!

Nothing much else, getting ready to set an appointment to get my hair done. I’ll post a pic of it when I get done being made pertty…

3-16-09 Workout and School Crap

Hip is okay. Talked to my trainer – its just because the muscle is inflamed and swollen. So, I am not going to do any running until I can go a day of walking and it doesn’t cramp on me. I am going to put some ice on it now cause its burning a bit but in a good way. I did a lot of cardio. Well, a good amount not a ton. Trying to keep my workouts to around an hour like the article that my friend marc posted about muscle catabolism that suggested this is what I should do. It has really been helping doing that. I am less drained and stressed on time.

20min- Treadmill, 3.4mph, Random Inclines

2 x 25 – Crunches on Stability Ball
2 x 5 – Wipers (I drop my legs to the floor on these unlike the guy on the video)
2 x 5 – Leg Lifts (but I move my legs down more slowly then the video)

5mins – Stair Stepper

30mins – Treadmill, 3.5 & 4.0 (15m each), Hills

I also got back my Western Civilization take home test today and got a 95 our of a 100! 25 points (perfect score) on the definitions and 70 out of 75 on the essay! I was shocked to say the least, I never got grades like this growing up and I was sitting there the whole time waiting to get it back thinking that I defiantly failed the essay part. Imagine my shock when my teacher said, “and this is the other person you should be upset with for messing up the curve!” It was me and one other guy. I was like… damn, I never messed up anything like that in my life! I am a smart girl, I really am!

3-15-09 Workout

Just a quick post on my workout for today. It was nice cause the gym was really empty and quiet so I was able to not worry about other people being around me and could really focus on getting thru the workout quickly and efficently.

Yesturday, I was going to try and make it to the gym but didn’t. Got there but realized when I was dressing that I forgot my shirt to workout in. Instead I went home and worked on my paper for school. But I made it to the gym today and when I was getting ready I had not just one but TWO shirts with me today.

Todays workout is brought to you by my trainer – he put it together for me over breakfast. Basically one movie per body part.

Warm Up
15mins – Treadmill, Incline Intervals, 3.5mph

Workout: basically the workout goes as one of each of the toning, then abs then the cardio… rest then start again at the beginning. Took about 10minutes per round.

5 sets of 10 for each of the following –
(legs) 40# – Squat on Smith Machine
(back) 70# – Hammer Strength ISO-Frontal Pull down
(chest) 40# – Hammer Strength ISO-Decline Press
(arms) 20# – Triceps Extension

5 sets of ab workout – 25 each set
3 sets of bicycles
1 set of double crunches
1 set of jack knifes w/ 5# medicine ball

5 of the following – 1 done at the end of each round
3m – Row Machine

Cool Down
10m – Random Inclines, Treadmill, 3.5mph

I am sore all over and tired but I feel great! Even better… during my cool down I was watching ESB on the tv and it was my fav scene and personally what I think is the most romantic scene in the history of movies.

So, I am definatly not giving up. I am blaming my PMS… yes, my PMS for my insanity this week. I am noticing a bit of a weirdness on my hip though, I think that comes from the injury I had to my hip earlier. I’m going to show it to my trainer and see what he thinks.

More Workouts and Fears…

Okay, so I know I didn’t post my last few workouts but things have been a bit crazy health wise. Seems like my body is wanting for me to not complete this mission and I had a horrible disappointment when we did my body fat measurements and found out I went 0.8% in the last three months. I am suppose to be going DOWN not UP! So it will soon be time for a complete overhaul of my workouts…

Its even sadder since I have increased my cardio in the past few months even though there have been struggles with side stitches, cramps, pulled muscles, etc. So, obviously I am not getting the best workout I need to. And a complete and total frustration I might add. I did spend a good portion of my Wednesday even in tears and fighting my desire to just quit. I’m not going to but its hard not to. There is a very loud voice in my head that seems to want me to find reasons to fail and screaming very very loudly for me to to do just that.

I have been posting on my 300 boards about this and one of my wonderful friends over there linked me to an article about muscle catabolism… when you have more negative than positive agents working in your system. Seeing as I haven’t been sleeping well for the last few months and my stress levels are uber high with being constantly on the go… my brain is working against me in so many ways.

I spoke with my trainer – well texted cause I was crying and couldn’t talk. We will be sitting down and making a workout program for me to follow to get the best workout possible. I am tired of failing at things in life – seriously failing. I have failed in pretty much every way you can imagine but I do not want to fail in this one.

Its hard though because there are a lot of workouts I want to do but I don’t because I either don’t want to look foolish in front of complete strangers, am afraid to do them alone because I don’t know what I am doing or am unsure of myself. Next to my sense of failure this sense of just being unsure is excruciating. I don’t like asking for help and I should, I just don’t. This is something I have had to deal with my entire life. I just need to maybe write on something “Fortune Favors the Bold” and just realize, I’m not the only one out there feeling this way. Seriously, some workout magazine needs to do an article on overcoming your fears at the gym. Its hard.

So, I will no longer be doing 15 reps but more sets at 12 reps each, and 3 or 2 sets where I need to. Here are my workouts from the last few days (please not that the use of a number w m behind it is minutes, not miles and my way of recording is 2 x 12 @ 60# – is 2 sets of 12 reps at 60 pounds. If I adjust the weight during my sets I don’t put a # there at all…)

3.10.09 Workout:
16m – intervals, 1m walk, 1m run
had to stop and stretch my hip, it killing me like crazy right now. As is my knee.
15m – walking, 3.5, incline 3

3.11.09 Workout:

Warm Up
12m – Elliptical Crossramp, Crosttrainer, Resistance 6

20 @ 40 – ISO Lat Chest Press
10 @ 60 – ISO Lat Chest Press
12 @ 50 – ISO Lat Chest Press
15 @ 40 – ISO Lat Chest Press
20 @ 30 – ISO Lat Chest Press
2 x 12 – Kettle bell raise with dumbbell, right arm
2 x 12 – Kettle bell raise with dumbbell, left arm
15 – push ups on knees at incline
10 – push ups on knees on floor
3 x 12 @ 15 – bicep curls
3 x 12 @ 30 – tricep curls
1 x 15 @ 10 – bicep curl
1 x 15 @ 15 – bicep curl
2 x 20 – Jack knives with 5# medicine ball

that was it… my shoulder gave on me during the push ups on the floor. no cardio either because my hip, knees and calves were still hurting from yesterday.

3.12.09 Workout:

Warm Up
11m – Elliptical Crossramp, Interval, Resistance 8
lots and lots and lots and lots of stretching

Toning – each pair I went back and forth with one set with one then a set on the other, back and forth
4x 12 @ 60# – Seated Row
4 x 12 @ 35# – Chest Press

3 x 12 @ 70# – Lat Pulls
2 x 12 @ 25# – Lat Raises

25 – Stability Ball Crunches

4 x 12 @ 95/100/95/90 – Seated Leg Press, Feet placed high to get a more back of the leg workout
3 x 12 @ 75/80/75/70 – Seated Calf Press (this one hurt like the dickens but I wanted to get SOME leg work in today)

75 – Stability Ball Crunches (15 w/ 5# medicine ball)

20 – Incline Mason Twists w/ 5# Medicine Ball

That is it. It is Friday and Fridays are my days off from working out. I am going out for the evening and hope to relax some before heading into work tomorrow morning.

3-9-09 Workout

I am going to start posting some of my workouts – maybe not all but when I can remember to post them 😀

Thanks everyone! I am going to see if I can take one of the PT classes at my school or one of the PE classes next semseter.

Todays workout – went fast. Even if I didn’t workout since Thursday, I still have a ton of homework to do before wednesday. But still got about an hour in.

Warm Up
5mins – Elliptical Crossramp, Glute Trainer, Resistance 10

3 x 20 @ 120/125/115 – Hip Abductions
3 x 20 @ 120/125/115 – Hip Adductions
3 x 15 @ 90/95/85 – Leg Press
3 x 15 @ 75 – Calf Machine
5mins – Treadmill, 3.5mph, incline intervals 2/10
3 x 12 @ 60 – Leg Curls
3 x 12 @ 60 – Leg Extensions

23mins – Treadmill Intervals, 2mins walk (3.5mph/incline 2), 1mins run (5.1mph/no incline)

Estimated Calorie Burn: 820

Basically ran until the bones on the back of my knees started to hurt. Then stopped.

If you are wondering why I slipped in a 5m cardio in the middle of my toning, there is a method to my madness. Basically cardio burn. It helps get my heart rate up in the middle of my workout to burn those calories. Especially when I am using the machines only that day. Mixing it in like that also helps spread my cardio out during an entire workout instead of just at the end or the beginning.

And it keeps going and going…

… and going. Its been awhile since my last post about my weight loss. With all my emotional crap with being single and all that other fun crap, its hard to remember that part of why I started this blog was to talk about my weight loss.

So, basically, it is still going. I have lost around 40 some lbs and while I have about 80 more to go, I am pretty happy. Frustrated because it isn’t going fast enough but happy that it is going.

My problem has basically been – I start to loose the weigh, go down a few lbs then spend several weeks swinging back up a few lbs then back down then back up and back down and then loose a few more then start all over again.

Its mainly my diet. I haven’t been as good as I probably should for months now. I am tired of it, a bit, but the big thing is late night snacking. I get extremely lonely at night with no one to talk to and I get bored. I get bored – I eat like crazy. I have been trying to not eat but its hard.  I am not sure what to do… and in truth, I don’t want to workout at 11pm right before I go to bed. And I can only eat so much fruits and veggies without turning my stomach contents into liquid.

I don’t have the time I want to be able to make the yummy smoothie-protein shakes I used to. Plus all that fruit costs an arm and a leg. Money is an option, and I would rather pay my bills then not and buy a truck load of fruits.

At the moment, a friend and I are looking at my workouts and trying to reorganize them into something more. Something more then just a basic workout where I can get the best possible response from my body. Its not easy because I want to tone and loose fat. So I have to make sure I don’t over do it on the weight machines.

I am finding help from some magazines, my trainer and an on-line workout/costuming group. The magazine I am recommending is “Oxygen“. I have read quite a few different ones but this one seems to be really about getting healthy and working out. Women’s Health has relationship, fashion and sex advice. Oxygen is all about the workout and nutrition. Plus, it is really nice that on their covers are professional athletes not an actress who has great abs. While I am sure their workouts are great – I would rather see someone who does it for a living giving me their advice. Personally, i don’t want to read about the personal lives of a celebrity – that isn’t what I want out of my fitness magazine.  But maybe its just me?

So after almost a year of doing this, its time to look at my past workouts and reevaluate – and set a new goal. And not just a weight loss goal but something that will be a goal I have to focus on to gain a change. I have one in mind but I am superstitious and don’t want to talk about it just yet.

I am also coming up on the last few months of my golds gym membership and have to decide if I am going to stay there or move to another gym. I found out that Defined Fitness has a student discount membership – its still more expensive then Golds by about 17 bucks but there is the added advantage of their pool. Which would mean I won’t have to trek it on down to the local public pool where there are swim teams and kids jumping on me. Which is a total advantage. Now that it is warming up again and my old swim suit fits again – its time to head back and in truth, adding it up: Defined Fitness is cheaper then going to Golds and going to the public pool.

One draw back is that they are only in New Mexico – if I were to go somewhere else, I am stuck with no gym to go to. Meh, I will figure it out as we get closer to my close date.

But I wanted to give some of my latest stats –

Chest: original-52″,  now 44″
Neck: original-16″,  now 13.8″
Waist: original-49″, now 35″
Hips: original-53.5″, now 44″
Biceps: original-14.5″,15″, now (L)11.5″ ,(R)11.5″
Forearms: original-11″,12″,  now (L) 8.5″,(R) 8.75″
Thighs: original-30″,32,  now (L) 22.”,(R) 22.”
Calves: original-18″,18″,  now (L) 15″,(R) 15″

Like I said its a long process but I am working hard at it…

I am Still Alive…

…Just in case you are wondering. I am tired, annoyed, pissed off, frustrated, happy and all that other bullshit. Soooo basically, I’m like the entire rest of the world but its just me.

What is going on my life – I am in school and have no desire, energy or time to do any of my homework until the last minute. Nor time to study… by the time I get home from work or the gym I am so frakking tired I just want to sit in front of the tv and forget that the day existed.

Love life is pretty much the same. Non-existant. I attempted match.com for a few days but got overwhelmed by creepy older guys. I don’t want to date anyone in their late 40’s! That is almost as old as my mom! Seriously! Ew! I want someone I can have a life with – not someone who has lived their life and doesn’t want to live one with me. My crush is pretty much gone – doing everything in my power to make him not want to be around me anymore. Not that I want him to go away, its just what I do. Its easier when I don’t have to see the person and get all fucking confused about everything.

I guess its working – the responses to my text messages get less and less each day. Yeah for him? I am just fucking lonely. I hate coming home to an empty house each night. Damn, I am mean I am not desperate – I just am not going to wait around forever. I’m bored with my life… I want to leave Albuquerque. Escape everything here and not look back but I am trapped here. I can’t leave. I have my fucking house and damned commitments to school and work. But there is something deep inside of me that just wants to run away from it all… Just start over again and hope that this time it will work out. But maybe not – maybe there is something wrong with me? That I just exist?

I am just really not happy with my life. I had a wonderful, amazing, relaxing vacation and less then a month back and I just want to leave again. I wish October would get here faster – I am heading to LA for my birthday. Everyone is welcome to join me.

I’m not in the best of moods tonight – I self sabotage myself and wish I would stop.