Okay, so I know I didn’t post my last few workouts but things have been a bit crazy health wise. Seems like my body is wanting for me to not complete this mission and I had a horrible disappointment when we did my body fat measurements and found out I went 0.8% in the last three months. I am suppose to be going DOWN not UP! So it will soon be time for a complete overhaul of my workouts…

Its even sadder since I have increased my cardio in the past few months even though there have been struggles with side stitches, cramps, pulled muscles, etc. So, obviously I am not getting the best workout I need to. And a complete and total frustration I might add. I did spend a good portion of my Wednesday even in tears and fighting my desire to just quit. I’m not going to but its hard not to. There is a very loud voice in my head that seems to want me to find reasons to fail and screaming very very loudly for me to to do just that.

I have been posting on my 300 boards about this and one of my wonderful friends over there linked me to an article about muscle catabolism… when you have more negative than positive agents working in your system. Seeing as I haven’t been sleeping well for the last few months and my stress levels are uber high with being constantly on the go… my brain is working against me in so many ways.

I spoke with my trainer – well texted cause I was crying and couldn’t talk. We will be sitting down and making a workout program for me to follow to get the best workout possible. I am tired of failing at things in life – seriously failing. I have failed in pretty much every way you can imagine but I do not want to fail in this one.

Its hard though because there are a lot of workouts I want to do but I don’t because I either don’t want to look foolish in front of complete strangers, am afraid to do them alone because I don’t know what I am doing or am unsure of myself. Next to my sense of failure this sense of just being unsure is excruciating. I don’t like asking for help and I should, I just don’t. This is something I have had to deal with my entire life. I just need to maybe write on something “Fortune Favors the Bold” and just realize, I’m not the only one out there feeling this way. Seriously, some workout magazine needs to do an article on overcoming your fears at the gym. Its hard.

So, I will no longer be doing 15 reps but more sets at 12 reps each, and 3 or 2 sets where I need to. Here are my workouts from the last few days (please not that the use of a number w m behind it is minutes, not miles and my way of recording is 2 x 12 @ 60# – is 2 sets of 12 reps at 60 pounds. If I adjust the weight during my sets I don’t put a # there at all…)

3.10.09 Workout:
16m – intervals, 1m walk, 1m run
had to stop and stretch my hip, it killing me like crazy right now. As is my knee.
15m – walking, 3.5, incline 3

3.11.09 Workout:

Warm Up
12m – Elliptical Crossramp, Crosttrainer, Resistance 6
Stretching

Workout
20 @ 40 – ISO Lat Chest Press
10 @ 60 – ISO Lat Chest Press
12 @ 50 – ISO Lat Chest Press
15 @ 40 – ISO Lat Chest Press
20 @ 30 – ISO Lat Chest Press
2 x 12 – Kettle bell raise with dumbbell, right arm
2 x 12 – Kettle bell raise with dumbbell, left arm
15 – push ups on knees at incline
10 – push ups on knees on floor
3 x 12 @ 15 – bicep curls
3 x 12 @ 30 – tricep curls
1 x 15 @ 10 – bicep curl
1 x 15 @ 15 – bicep curl
2 x 20 – Jack knives with 5# medicine ball

that was it… my shoulder gave on me during the push ups on the floor. no cardio either because my hip, knees and calves were still hurting from yesterday.

3.12.09 Workout:

Warm Up
11m – Elliptical Crossramp, Interval, Resistance 8
lots and lots and lots and lots of stretching

Toning – each pair I went back and forth with one set with one then a set on the other, back and forth
4x 12 @ 60# – Seated Row
4 x 12 @ 35# – Chest Press

3 x 12 @ 70# – Lat Pulls
2 x 12 @ 25# – Lat Raises

25 – Stability Ball Crunches

4 x 12 @ 95/100/95/90 – Seated Leg Press, Feet placed high to get a more back of the leg workout
3 x 12 @ 75/80/75/70 – Seated Calf Press (this one hurt like the dickens but I wanted to get SOME leg work in today)

75 – Stability Ball Crunches (15 w/ 5# medicine ball)

20 – Incline Mason Twists w/ 5# Medicine Ball

That is it. It is Friday and Fridays are my days off from working out. I am going out for the evening and hope to relax some before heading into work tomorrow morning.