So, on one of the many message boards I go to there is a forum called “The Bucket List” – and like the movie its an area for making lists of things we want to do before we die. Unfortunatly, I think my list is getting longer and not smaller. And I can’t help but wonder – will I be able to even do 10% of what I have on there? I can’t help and not have the confidence that I will do it. The worse thing, is it keeps growing when I watch tv or talk to people. What is my list? Here it is – at this moment in time:

Finally meet George and thank him for everything he has given me

Fall in love, get married, maybe have a kid or two

Design my own wedding gown.

Write a novel – and sell it then maybe write another

Live life as best as I can…

Learn to meditate without falling asleep

I want to eat at a Bobby Flay resturant….

And conquer my fear of heights the best I can

Learn to scuba dive

Get my slytherin student costume finished.

Get down to 145lbs, and stay there.

Buy and own a real Chanel couture purse.

Attend the Oscars!

Attend a party at the playboy mansion.

Own my own successful company

Go to Russia

Take 6 months and eat my way thru Italy

Go to Africa and go on a camping safari

Move to Inverness and live there for no less then a year

Travel to Greece and take a yacht tour of the islands

Go back to Hawaii for a month

Munich during Oktoberfest.

Travel to Ireland – County Cork and make it to the Isle of Bute

Travel to Romania – visit Draculas Castle – the real one and the home of Elizabeth Bathory

Go to Glastonbury for the equinox

Make it to Devil’s Tower and eat at the nearest resturant, order mashpotatos and make a replica at it while saying – there is something to this! the entire time

Have enough money to buy an RV and drive all over the Americas while writing a travel book about the adventures…

stay at least one night in the following locations: Stanley Hotel, Queen Mary, El Coronado Hotel and a haunted castle somewhere in the isles.

Spend Halloween in Salem, MA and go to their Costume Ball.

Go to New Orleans on Halloween and attend the Vamprie Masqurade.

Some of them kinda dumb but I am not sure. I am definatly sure that do most of the things on my list I need to be extremely rich and/or rich & famous.

But the biggest item on my list is to write a book… and maybe another. And there are ideas I do have for writing a book but my brain doesn’t seem to want to help me put it on paper. I have ideas flowing and then when I sit down to write something my mind goes blank. I can’t remember for the life of me what I want or had in my mind. Yes, I know I should write it down when it comes to my mind. Its hard to do that when you are driving a car or working with a customer or on a treadmill. I really want to write something. And something successful… no one wants to be the writer who writes a novel that no one wants to read. Right? But we will see… maybe my creativity fallout will dissipate soon enough and I can move along on this list finally!

I can’t help but wonder – am I being too over the top with my wants and desires for my life? Am I setting myself up disaster? I guess this is the hardest part of being a pessimist. I know I can’t be over the top for wanting the things I want in life. Kinda dumb for me to think I don’t deserve to be happy… hard not to when strangers come into your life and make you feel you aren’t worth anything.