So, I picked up the book “he’s just not that into you” last night… I’m sure you have heard of it – either from the Sex and the City episode (which is what helped the book take off), the upcoming movie with Drew Barrymore et al or you have read or know someone or heard of the book.
Basically, its a book written by a guy, Greg Behrendt, and a woman, liz tuccillo, about the most common sense thing – there are ways of telling that a guy isn’t really into you. Mainly, if you have to do all the damned work, he cheats on you, doesn’t call and all those other things that we spend hours upon hours discussing and disecting and worried and stressing over.
I picked it up mainly because I had heard somethings about it and I was curious, how would I know a guy isn’t that into me. I meant, I have know for a long while why most guys don’t approach me right? I mean according to my brother, who I trust immensly, its cause of the attitude I put off. That I don’t need no man and that I am slightly intimidating to guys. Right? No… now I know this isn’t the case.
I have spent the majority of my dating years being the one to pursue the relationships with guys. Being the one to ask out to make the first move, etc… why? well, because until I did no one would even express any interest in me. And the ones who did – well, it was usually a joke for him and his friends. So, I started pursuing and sometimes I had a guy pursue me. Sadly, looking back a majority of those who pursued me ended up cheating on me.
I am about half way thru the book and I have spent just as much time crying. I was just getting to the point to realize there is nothing wrong with me, that I am deserving of love and happiness. I kept telling myself this over and over and over again then comes along this book and I realize… has anyone ever really been into me? This guy says, if a guy wants you he wants you and will pursue you. You will become a priority in their life. They won’t stand you up, they will not cheat on you, they will treat you with respect, call you, ASK YOU OUT, etc… not really much of what I have experienced.
I am 33 years old… I have dated a good bit most of them, okay all of them, pretty much failures. The last guy I was involved with it took me 3 years of not letting up and finally talking him into more then just a friendship to have us not do anything, because he didn’t want anyone to know. Not that into me? Yeah, I think so. And this was a simiular case to many others.
So, this book has opened my eyes in many ways but not in the best of ways. Maybe? I mean, I look back – every dance I ever went to in high school was because I asked someone, no one ever asked me or even expressed interest in asking me. 19 times out of 20 that I expressed interest in a guy or went out with a guy, its because I asked and/or called them. I did all the heavy lifting… and those few 1 out of 20 guys that came after me… in the end usually cheated on me. Not more then once – that I am aware of – because I wouldn’t take that shit from no one cause I knew if a guy liked me or even cared about me in the slightest, they would not do that to me.
If a guy isn’t into you if: he doesn’t pursue you, cheats on you, lies to you, etc – what does that make me? Completely and utterly not desirable by any man out there? And this is why I have been crying since last night. I want to be desired, to be pursued but I don’t know how that is going to happen if it hasn’t happened yet? I mean, I don’t want to do the work and this guy is telling me I shouldn’t have to. If a guy wants me he will do it… I mean, I have done what this guy says – walk away, a guy who isn’t into me isn’t worth my time, energy or effort. And all I have gotten was more time alone.
Sadly, I am getting the answers to my questions, its just not making me feel that great. But I will say, I am happy I am realizing this crap finally. I mean I know it. These are the things I want from someone… to be pursued, have them call me to just talk to me, to ask me out, to touch me because they want to touch me, to kiss me because they just can’t help themselves, to not give me excuses because they don’t want to hurt my feelings (I would rather have the truth, really I would it hurts less then being confused), to not be cheated on, to be made to feel worthwhile. In truth, I think I am…
Is this book good and should every woman read it? Yes, I think so. I am happy I made this purchase. Its better then any other dating book I have picked up. Books by experts, magazine articles, etc… this is a run of a mil guy (okay a comedian) who is telling it straight foreward without beating around the bush or giving you excuses on why a guy doesn’t want to make out with you for hours on end even though you want to.
It will make my life easier and I wish I would of read it years ago and not wasted so much time on guys who really weren’t into me to begin with. Seriously, how much time have I wasted? I just hope that sooner or later, a guy who is into me will actually come along and well, be into me.
And now I don’t have to worry about the guy I am attracted to, I know now he isn’t into me, won’t ever be into me and I can just enjoy his friendship. No matter how much I want to kiss him, I know he doesn’t want to kiss me. Because if he did – nothing, not even some imaginary line he created, would stop him. And now I can pinpoint to my guy friends who say differently, that he just isn’t that into me and while it sucks I am okay with it. Really I am because one day someone will be. At least that is my hope.
5 thoughts on “Has anyone been into me then?”
yea, don’t worry just be patient….it has a way of working itself out.
thank you… a deep and sincere thank you.
Hey girl, I got here from you myspace bulletin.
That book made its way around my group of girlfriends about 3 or 4 years ago, and every one of us smart, accomplished, pretty ladies was completely screwed up after reading the book.
That said, because you’re smart- you figured out the real message within the book, which is making sure the reader knows SHE IS WORTH IT 🙂
I can’t say the book suddenly made me into a crafty relationship expert (26, unmarried, living with cat) but I do always remember one thing whenever I’m itching to obsess over a new guy… “If he calls you, he’s into you.” If he doesn’t call- I don’t bother calling. That method has actually worked well, and in the beginning stages of my current relationship, it helped me to keep things in perspective.
Good luck lady!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Oh man, you and I could have been sisters on this one. I ALWAYS did the pursuing. For most of my dating years, I was really just bed hopping. Turns out those interested guys were just interested in booty calls, and not much beyond that. I mean, I was with a guy for months who a) never called me unless he wanted me to come over, b) never really did anything with me, and c) never wanted to meet me or really meet any friends beyond those he already knew.
Talk about a wake up call in Usedville.
It took some soul searching on my part, and I genuinely believe you have to become the person you want to be, and love the person you are completely. Then the door is wide open. Worked for me, I met hubby-to-be after a long introspective period. I think I had to be ready before a guy could REALLY be into me.
I have to “second” what Corrine says. I actually read Why Men Love Bitches first followed with a dose of He’s Just Not That Into You – just to make sure it stuck. It made a lot of f*cking sense. Somewhat depressing but also freeing in a way because now I know and can make “informed” decisions based on that. No more wasting time…unless YOU want to. 😉