life

Never Ass-u-me…

/ Varza / Leave a comment

Image

Warning: this is a stream of consciousness post – parts may not make any sense at all to you

Here is the deal… I am 37 years old, overweight, stressed out and I seriously thought for many years: one of the most boring people on the planet. I have yet to graduate college with a Bachelor’s (I received my Associates Degree in Lib Arts about a 1.5 years ago – about the same time my son was born), it took me until I was 35 to get over the delusions of what romance was supposed to be and what I really deserved (to be happy in all ways), I hadn’t lived a life for many would consider normal. I mean hell, my bucket list is still barely put together let alone having much of it checked off. Part of that is due to the fact, now that I look at it, is that I actually have done many things but I have so much I want to do. I flip-flop on whether to have another kid or not, I nag my husband like crazy, I still make wishes and know they probably won’t come true and I have a hard time keeping a blog because who wants to read about my life. I barely do.

Life can often make you feel like you have to have it all at once and that once is when you are super young, barely out of high school and your brain isn’t even fully formed yet to truly appreciate the life you have. This is one of the first things I had to get over when I realized I wanted to find love, real true love and I felt it was too late for me. I was 34 and never had a deep meaningful relationship because I never felt I was worth loving – deep deep issues there. I also lived in the world of what romance is supposed to be by what we are fed thru movies, novels and songs. We often think the idea of the old maid by 25 is gone in todays society but in many ways it isn’t. We are unidated with the idea that we have to have it all by the time we are 30 and if we don’t we are a failure in life. I know I felt that way, in many ways I gave up on life completely because what was the point.

Part of what helped me grow out of this was opening my eyes. In romantic comedies – the best ones star women who are in their late 30s or 40s not their early 20s. In romance novels – its make believe by women who want that romance in their life. And romance isn’t sex and sex isn’t romance. Romance is sitting on the couch in your PJs, haven’t showered that day and cuddling with your honey as you watch Project Runway on your DVR.

But I digress… a big part of this was that I thought I was boring. I mean, I never really feel like anyone wants to go out of their way to be my friend or get to know me. Because of this I have pulled myself out of the social world. Its hard and lonely at times. I appreciate that I am in school because it gives me a chance to meet some amazing people. But I am finding through my conversations with them… I am very far from boring. Knowing that I probably won’t see them again after the end of the semester (except for seeing them on campus from time to time) I don’t hold myself back and I don’t hide myself. Hell, I barely held myself back in the past but now I just don’t care. And I am enjoying myself so much more. Yes, those doubts come back. Yes, I still have a hard time leaving my house to meet up with people or going some place where I may have to talk to someone… I am still working on that because my son needs to go to the park more often and I am sadly on the verge of becoming homebound.

I am not a shy person, I am actually very outgoing, loud, and I used to be wild (I can’t tell stories about that :p). My quietness is out of fear… fear of being rejected by others. I lucked out and married a man who loves me even though he thought I was more together then I am. But he still loves me and seems to enjoy my company at times.

As I continue to grow up, found my major/minor, hold back from hitting people for idiocy because I realize they still have to grow up as well, and live my life. I am seeing more and more life opened up to me. I find that I am not the only person in the history of the world who became or attempted to become a writer in their late 30s or even later. There is a saying that you are never too old to start something new… but why wait until you are almost too old… do it now. Quit the excuses and realize maybe what you have to say is interesting. I am trying – trying to realize that if people really want to get to know me… will and they will love me for who I am and find me fascinating! Hell, my son thinks I am the awesomeness that awesome… I just need to believe that as well.

As for the people who pushed me aside and decided they knew who I am before really getting to know me… their loss. They saw this one dimension instead of putting on the glasses that put me in 3D. And they will miss out when I finally do start dancing in the middle of the hallway at school to that song I am listening to. I already have it choreographed and have been practicing in the parking structure at school. 😀

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4MzF53je5M

As he says at the beginning (FIND A HERO IN YOU!)

FOOD!!

/ Varza / Leave a comment

So, my sons first birthday is right around the corner and I am going crazy with ideas for food. We are having a small gathering of family and some friends. Mostly finger foods. My dad is going to be bringing a turkey up – shredded that we will use for sandwiches. But its the snacks… we will be doing a lot of cooking and in fact I probably should start making a lot of the items this weekend. We have cupcakes and the cake. The cupcakes need a dry run though. Need to make sure I have it all down before I make them for the party.

Then we have some pizza sticks we are making. Miles loves pizza crust so we are going to make this sticks of the dough but making a few versions. One we will mix in cheese, then in another we will mix in carrots and zucchini, maybe another will have a sweet additive or cinnamon. He loves cinnamon.

For the sweet tooth – candies! I am making Mickey Mouse lollipops with red, white and dark chocolate. But I thought it would be fun to make some Pretzel Wands. Basically the larger pretzel sticks (take off some of the salt) then dip in chocolate and then dip in different color sprinkles.

As you can see from the list – there are some items that I can definitely make this weekend and store in the freezer for the party.

We will also be making cookies… probably just chocolate chip. I want to make more but also limited time. With family coming in we have a lot of things to do while everyone is here and the day of the party we are also having my son and niece’s baptism in the middle of the day. My husband and I have this really bad habit of doing as much as possible in a short period of time.

Time to run… someone just fell onto one of his toys. At least not blood just a boo-boo.

Yeah Shopping!!!

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Last night I headed to the new house and found out a few things.

  1. We need a light in the front room
  2. We need some chairs there because there are no seats what so ever in the house – which makes trying to feed a baby very difficult
  3. My child STILL hates his pack n play – he doesn’t want to be in it for more then a few moments… that’s gonna suck for when he has to go with me to the house
  4. Having bottle waters on hand

But all in all – I got a couple things done. I found the paint for his room. It wasn’t the exact colour we wanted but I found a blue paint a few shades darker/brighter on the oops shelf for $5.00. I dropped off the things we have already purchased: the faucet for the bathroom vanity, painting supplies, paint, garbage bags, baby supplies, etc. And I was able to get a couple of things done while DH finished installing the new locks on the house. As well as upping the heater about 5 degrees – because of the weather.

I think the things we found still in the house were the most surprising such as piles of garbage in the basement, a items we had no desire to have. I guess I was a little frustrated because when I sold my last home I made sure everything that was not the new owners was out of the house before hand and left it clean. I mean there was not a pile of trash and dust on the folding counter in the laundry room when we were last there. The sellers were very confidant that they left us a perfect home and also “gifted” us an old lawn mower that doesn’t work very well, a snow shovel (because they have like 10 at the new house) and a kids mattress in the storage room in the basement as well as bunch of other weird stuff. But it will get cleaned – that is why I bought the supplies for cleaning and lots of garbage bags.

We are getting things worked out – we found that to take the floor tiles off of the other tile is going to take a bit more work because it looks like they used globs of gorilla glue to put them in place… which was still sticky. The floor tiles we are taking up only go the edge of the cabinets so we don’t have to worry about having to take them out to re-tile. And I have an appointment tomorrow with not just a drywall person but also a plumber to put a gas line in the kitchen. We were going to do the kitchen and laundry but have decided to forgo the laundry. A gas dryer isn’t absolutly necessary… while for us a gas stove is.

As for today – we are snowed in which is wonderful so I did some administrative items. Trash pick up is now in order, change of address done with the post office (including getting the Lowe’s coupon we need!) and some more. Tomorrow after meeting with the plumber and drywall guy, the LO and I will be heading to The Great Indoors to pick up some drawer pulls then off to Lowe’s to buy some more supplies and tools for the house.

Now time to run because the LO is awake… laterz

And we have a house!

/ Varza / 6 Comments

Now, the first step of making our new home ours is done… paperwork is signed, they moved most of their crap out, got the keys – changed the locks, etc…

So here we go. Its time to get the real work started. Hubby did the first step with changing the locks on the house. Which ended up being a lot more work then before because the doors are older. In great shape but older. And he checked out the hardwood floors under the carpet in the house. I guess someone decided to not clean them before putting the carpet down. If we are lucky and we can just clean them our lives will be MUCH easier but of course, that may not happen.

Today we start the real work. I am waiting for the Little One (LO from here on out) to wake up so I can feed him and then head to the stores to buy what I need to start cleaning and some basics.

Here is our breakdown for now on the work we have to do

  • start cleaning – house has been on the market for a few months and its time to get the dust moved
  • tape first rooms to be painted – the very first is LO’s room and then the rest of the house
  • purchase paint supplies, paint
  • pull up carpet and clean wood – if need be… resurface them (please pray we won’t have to)
  • pull up floors in kitchen
  • take counter tops off of kitchen counters
  • carpet the top step of the stairs to basement
  • remove back splash tiles – bathroom white tile back splash and floor sticky tiles
  • remove tiles on walls in bathroom
  • remove old bathroom cabinet/sink
  • caulking everywhere
  • redo cabinets in kitchen – sand paint
  • possibly redo textured walls in kitchen
  • beadboard!!!!
  • molding
  • build shelving for LO’s closet and office closet
  • install cabinets in laundry room after painting and installing vinyl flooring
  • refloor basement bathroom

And that is the beginning… there is so much more, luckily a lot can be done after we move in but there is a lot that needs to be done before we can move in at all. Including a trip to New Mexico to pick up some furniture and some of my old things that are in Parental Storage at the moment.  Now, time to get the LO’s stuff ready for when he wakes up we can have a quick feeding and then get out the door.

But while he slept, I spent the afternoon learning how to take tile off of the walls without (hopefully) destroying the drywall so we won’t have to take the cabinets out and the reinstall them. I am glad we will be able to do this because it will save us a lot of time and money. Both of which are tight for this work. We have until the beginning of December to move in so we want to make sure certain things get done before we move in with the LO… he doesn’t need to be living in a mess. So, the kitchen (probably minus the counter top), bathroom, floors and his room are the most important. Having the highest priority we are going to be pushing to get them done soon. One of the benefits of having a month to do this, is also the move which will allow us to slowly move things over. Luckily, because we knew would be moving withing 8 months of coming to Colorado we did not unpack a lot of stuff.

Wish us luck! We will need it!!!

this is new…

/ Varza / Leave a comment

… if you have been here before you may be asking yourself: wth varza! What have you done to your blog!??!?!?! Well, basically, like many things in my life lately – it was time for a change. Time to clean up a bit and actually make this a more focused blog then something that is just a bunch of general spouting off of crap that it was when I started.

This is kind of something that has happened by accident. It seems that for the last few months, my blogs are becoming more and more about the changes going on with my life. Be those changes mind, body or soul… and I thought it would be nice to actually make it about that. Hence the line on my banner: …to rise from the ashes… and be born anew. This is actually the title of my workout journal at the 300DC website and it really has become part of my attitude with my working out and with much of what is going on with my life.

Last year was a “Trial by Fire” (my last workout journal title) and now I am starting to “rise from the ashes” and hopefully will be born anew sometime in the near future, just like the Phoenix. I am stealing Dumbledore’s animagus and I don’t care! I am a Slytherin, he can deal with it. lol…

I am going to be continuing to blog about my workouts, school, the things that come into my mind as I finally start to grow up into a big girl. Am I done working on myself? Nope, not in a long run… right now I am JUST getting started. And this is now the official home of the Journey of Varza into take womanhood… being done at the age of 33 years young. Its about time, I guess… 😀

I hope you continue to stay with me as I go and smack me if I do something stupid… I do that a lot – more often then not. lol! Does this mean that some random weird blogs won’t show up? No, but more often then not they may actually make some sense to someone other then myself.

As for the colour change – I figured something lighter, but not too light was in order for this change. Plus the orange didn’t really go with the new banner and supposedly, the black was hard to read on… lol!

Toodles for now! More later!

the right guy?

/ Varza / 4 Comments

My mom and I have been having some interesting conversations lately mainly about my non-existent love life. While there are times that she still says I should become a nun there are times we have some deeper discussions about my failures in this particular field (ignoring my many failures in the other fields) and they have been particularly enlightening. In truth, I asked her why she never told me this like 10 – 20 years ago… she said, I wouldn’t of been receptive and my response when in such a state of mind doesn’t make me able to listen very well and usually end up brushing off what people say to me.

It has been a difficult week, heck it has not been an easy few weeks. There are a lot of things that are going on that are forcing me to take a very serious look at myself. Not just look but really see me and not turn away in shame but see the strengths that lie beneath the fears that overwhelm me at times. It defiantly is not a pretty picture but one I have to learn to live with. I may not like myself at times but I do not hate myself. I am proud I have come as far as I have. I could be dead or a stripper or living on the streets – so it could defiantly be a lot worse. Instead I am alive, have a stable job, am going to school and own my own home.  Defiantly, not the girl I was 12 years ago when I was dragged out of Atlanta to San Jose.

Pretty soon, I am coming up to my 1 year anniversary of starting on my workout and diet regiment. In total I have lost around 55lbs and counting. It does not seem like a lot when you look at it but each pound was a struggle. A struggle against my desire to walk away and give up (like I have so often before), the desire to ruin it all by binging every single night while watching tv, the desire to make this not about me but someone or something else. I am very happy with how this year has progressed and who I am becoming. Yes, I still have massive amounts of negatives on my side but the positive aspects are outweighing those more and more. The biggest is becoming my own person and loving myself. I am finally, after 33 years of existance, loving me for me. Even the disappoints that I still have, I know I learn and grow from them. Not let them hold me back anymore.

Back to the conversations I have been having with my mom, we had a semi-deep one this week that unfortunately got cut short due to people coming into work but my mom yanked one of those final nails in my coffin back out when it comes to how I deal with men. I yanked a big one out of a few months ago but that is too private for me to talk about in a blog. She basically pointed out my biggest weakness when it comes to the opposite sex; one she and my dad have noticed over the years and wished I would finally notice it myself… I had started to but it took my mom saying it to realize how blatant it was to the rest of the world.

Hello, my name is Varza, and I am a relationship chameleon. Please do not think, after reading this explanation of what that is, that I am a weak willed or weak person. I am not, I am a strong woman with her own mind – which is probably why I ended so many of my relationships quickly because of my struggles with this. A relationship chameleon is a person who slowly morphs who they are to fit into what they feel the other person wants or what they expect that person wants, instead of showing their true form. Constantly changing from one guy to the next – hiding behind their desires so that no one will truly SEE them. At least this is my explanation for this.

I do, do this. I really fear people seeing me for me and more importantly, seeing me for me and seeing that I am worth loving. I give men, boys, guys what I think they want. I will walk into a relationship an equal partner and then lose myself into their desires and wishes. This goes hand in hand with my troubles with saying no to guys. Its hard but I am learning to say it and stand by it without fearing that they will hate me or be disappointed in me.

Thirty-three years old and I am finally not afraid to show the world who I really am… kinda sad ain’t it?

The title of this blog is called “the right guy?” and I am sure you may be wondering why I am talking all about my and my relationships with men and not “the right guy”. There is a method to my madness, I promise! Part of this chameleon part of my personality is that I have been thinking about wanting to settle down (not that I have a love life at all, single for most of my life because I’d rather not date then lose me again) and trying to see myself with someone but I fear settling on what it is I want. What if I put it out there and I am wrong and I pull the wrong person towards me? What if I meet someone and settle then the real right one comes along? What if I make a mistake? What if I do try and I fail? All those fears that eat away at my mind in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep making me wish that there were a bottle of whiskey in my house and a Cherry Pepsi to chase it with (there isn’t thankfully).

Part of the realizations and the opening up of the coffin that is my soul is letting go of these fears and realizing I do know what I want and I should NOT be afraid to want the best for myself or that I should NOT be afraid that I will make a mistake or fail. I won’t. In truth, I am not scared as I once was… I am still scared at times and I have to fight against it often. Like people seeing me… the losing the weight – I know it means men will look at me again like they used to and I have to realize I am not the scared drunk chick I used to be. I won’t make the mistakes I once made.

So, the right guy? Who is he? Where is he? So many questions and I am sure I have answers in spades for who I think he should be *cough*christian bale*cough* but I do know there are things I desearve:

a man who loves me for me

a man who is not ashamed of me

a man who is not afraid to love me

a man who makes me a priority in their life

a man who wants to be around me

a man cherishes me

a man who can see themselves growing old with me

a man who wants to have children with me

a man who has the same ideals and morals as I do

a man who is athletic and fit

a man who is tall

a man who has a job and can support me if I need to take time off of working

a man who loves to travel

a man who wants to live in different places around the world (I do not want to live in NM forever)

a man who will not treat me as though I am not good enough

a man who will not hurt me

a man…. (I have no idea what else)

I am sure I could go into more detail but I won’t. In truth, this is just the basis of the right guy for me. Is it dumb? Maybe… I don’t know. I mean I am not going to put out there, I want a man with a specific eye colour or hair colour. The athletic and tall is mainly because that is what I am comfortable with. The rest is just dressing… its in my head and not sure if I want to share it just yet. My brother says I may be being too picky. Who knows… but don’t I deserve to be? Maybe I don’t, but I think I do.   😀

(btw – I did figure out my major finally… actually writing the last blog I wrote it in there and realized it was the right thing: English Major, Business Minor… )

Just Another Day

/ Varza / Leave a comment

Its another Friday and as per usual I am stuck at work. Its been a crazy week… really really crazy week.

I got my last paper back from my teacher in my Analytical Writing class… 98. I really have no clue how I am getting these grades. I never got grades like this back in the day. I know I talk about it alot but I am surprised. I was an below average student. I graduated high school with barely a 2.5 gpa and my only college choice was the local community college. Which I did a semester in before quitting.

Lets see what else… my past week was stressful for health concerns. I found a lump in my breast last week – after waiting a few days before calling the doctors to make sure it wasn’t just a swollen gland. But luckily, after going to the docs and my first ever mammogram – I am clean and cancer free. What it is is a cystic fiber – something or another. Basically a bunch of fibers that formed a cyst that will go away with lack of caffeine. And I have been drinking a lot of caffeine lately – which helps make these little buggers. But I didn’t tell the world until now because I didn’t want to have to contact everyone and say – hey I found a lump and then a week later say – oh it was nothing but a stupid cyst. But in truth, its still scary. I was stressed to the max and my mom tried to console me but it doesn’t always help. I just wanted to know.

I sold my kilt – it had gotten to big for me… I am using some of the money to buy new t-shirts because most of mine are now also too big for me. I can wear a large now – its tight and fitted but I think it looks good. I don’t really know. Guess I will find out when I get it in. I mean, I can’t buy babydolls yet but I prefer the mens style shirts anyways. Oh and the rest is to pay bills off… I always have bills to pay off.

My workouts have been kinda blah… I took Monday and Thursday off and part of me does not want to go to the gym tonight but just go to the movies right after work instead. But I will go and do something. I have no idea what but I have to do something. I am down another lb this week though. So, yeah! But psychologically I am utterly beat and don’t want to think about anything. But if I go today I can take Sunday off…

With work, stress about school, trying to find money for school and everything else – I just need to escape. And even though I love my Sims 2 – its just not doing it right now. I recently started playing again just to get away from my real world and into a fake world where I can control everything and give my fake people lots and lots of fake mulla and build them big houses!

But I got notice that my day for class sign up for the summer is coming up. I figured out which classes I am going to take during the summer session – a science and lab. We will see if I get into the anatomy and physiology class like I want to. I do need to spend sometime this weekend appliying for finanical aid and hope to the gods that I actually get it. I am afraid I may make too much and they don’t take into account that I have a hellasious mortgage but as always, we will just have to see.

I have some other things I want to talk about but will do that another day… I need to eat lunch.

Workouts this week – as per usually the m stands for minutes, # for pounds:

3-21-09, Saturday

Warm Up
10m – Treadmill, Interval Inclines, 2.5mph

Toning
3 x 15 @ 40# – Rear Delt
3 x 15 @ 60# – Fly
3 x 15 @ 125/120/115 – Hip Abductions
3 x 15 @ 125/120/115 – Hip Adductions

Cardio
25m – Elliptical Crossramp, Glute Trainer, Resistance 8

3-22-09, Sunday

Warm Up
10m – Treadmill, 3.8mph, Intervals
Stretching

Round 1
10 @ 40# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# + bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
10 @ 10# dumbbells – should press
30 – crunches w/ legs on stability ball and bicycle move
5m – treadmill, random inclines, 4.0mph

Round 2
10 @ 40# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# + bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
10 @ 10# dumbbells – lat raises
25 – jack knifes w/ 6# medicine ball
5m – treadmill, rolling hills, 4.0mph

Round 3
10 @ 50# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# + bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
30 – crunches w/ legs on stability ball and bicycle move
5m – treadmill, random inclines, 4.0mph

Round 4
10 @ 50# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# +bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
10 @ 10# dumbbells – lat raises
25 – jack knifes w/ 6# medicine ball
5m – treadmill, random inclines, 4.0mph

Round 5
10 @ 50# + bar – Smith Machine Squats
10 @ 10# + bar – Laying Chest Press (free weights)
10 @ 180# counterweight – Chin Ups
10 @ 10# dumbbells – should press
30 – crunches w/ legs on stability ball and bicycle move
15m – treadmill, intervals inclines, 3.5mph

3-24-09, Tuesday

20m – Elliptical Crossramp, Intervals, Resistance 8
Stretching
1 x 15 @ 55# – Leg Extensions
3 x 15 @ 55# – Leg Curls
3 x 15 @ 80# – Calf Machine
10m – Elliptical, Hill Intervals

yeah I know its really short but oh well, it was a long day. I had to go for some testing early yesturday morning and I was just beat.  This was the day I went for the mam.

3-25-09, Wednesday

Warm Up
10m – Treadmill, 3.5mph, Incline 5
Stretching

Workout
4 x 10 @ 60# – Smith Squats
4 x 12 @ bar only – underhanded row – freeweights
4 x 12 @ 10# weights – lat raises
1 x 15 @ 190# counterweight – chin ups
3 x 10 @ 190# counterweight – chin ups
4 x 12 @ 15# dumbbells – stability ball chest press
4 x 10 @ 20# barbell – curls
4 x 20 sec – curls
10 sec rest between each 20sec rep
4 x 20 sec – reverse crunches
10 sec rest between each 20sec rep

Nothing Too New and Exciting…

/ Varza / 1 Comment

Just a general update, there isn’t much new and exciting going on in my life right now. Things are a little crazy and busy but that isn’t anything new. My life is always a little crazy. Heck, I’m a little crazy!

We are about 2.5 weeks away from Christmas and I am looking forward to it. Unfortunatly, I will be spending Christmas away from my parents again this year and will be heading to Las Vegas to celebrate it with my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. I always look forward to heading to Las Vegas, there is something about the area I really like and its not just the casinos. I spend most of my time on the outskirts of the city near henderson in the regular people world. Not the casino area. And its really nice. Laid back, relaxed and nice.

What I want to do is figure something out for New Years Eve. I know there has to be a few parties going on and I want to do something more then I did last year, which was sit in a hotel room with the familia and watch Law & Order. I can’t do any heavy partying and staying out late since the following day is my nephews bday which means its his day. And his very firm on his entire family that can be there, will be there with him. I don’t know where he gets his stubborness from at all? lol…

But other then that, I am just preparing myself for the upcoming year. I have decided to head back to school once more and I have three classes on my list for the semester: Analytic Writing, Western Civilization I (a history class on pre-middle ages civilization) and Intro to Sociology. Not much right? Yeah… I think I may end up shooting myself come the end of April. But I want to get my degree and my work has agreed to work around my school schedule to allow me this. My sociology class will be taken online though. So, two classes on Monday & Wednesday during the day then the one online.

The hardest part will be when I go on my vacation to the Caribbean at the beginning of February. I guess I could of cancelled my vaca but I didn’t take a real one this year because I knew I was heading out of town in Feb. So, we will see. I will contact my teachers and talk to them about it. Maybe they will work with me. I mean, I have two full days on the water with nothing much to do. I can do homework on vacation. I won’t like it – but I will do it. Cause I want a freaking piece of paper, damnit!

Lets see… love life – still non-existant. Curious – have you ever met someone that you felt a deep connection with but still felt it wasn’t right? But I have been having more thoughts on what I want the future Mr. Varza.

A Struggle and A Win….

/ Varza / 1 Comment

The past two to three weeks have been a struggle for me in working out lately. My knees were crapping out on me, my wrist was to the point where I could put no pressure on it and I was burning out from going to the gym. In truth, I wanted to increase my cardio but I just couldn’t push myself any further. I tried doing a kickboxing class at the gym and ended up not being able to workout for almost a week. Worked out one day and then bam, down and out for another couple of days.

And I was burning out because the pounds weren’t disappearing like they should have. I was still only loosing an average of a pound a week. Which was pissing me off. I wanted to swim. I needed to swim. I needed to feel the cool water wrapped around my body as I glided thru it. And finally! I finally fit back into a swim suit that I had on hand. So, I broke down spent the $3 bucks to go to the local pool and within the past couple of weeks I have lost almost 10lbs. 10lbs! In just over two weeks! It is insane I know but in truth, my body feels sleeker and more lean and damned sexy!

Yes, I said sexy. I actually like looking in the mirror. I forgot how much swimming inpacted how I felt. Even going to the gym and dieting hasn’t made me feel this way in over several months. So, I take that as a win. A very big win… for me since for so long I have hated my body and felt disgusting. Definatly not sexy and beautiful.

 I look forward to going to the pool and even the gym now. In which, this week I meet with another new trainer. l’sigh… yep another one.

But its time to go and tomorrow is another day at the pool.

Home Update

/ Varza / Leave a comment

This past Sunday my dad and I started back on the garage, I don’t have the pictures with me but we got a decent amount done. Not as much as we wanted to since we had to go to the store several times to pick up wall-board and some other items.

But I bought some OOPS paint from Home Depot in a lovely lime/light green that I will be using to paint the peg board and base boards we purchased – which are basic 1 x 3 x 16 Pine boards. Nothing fancy needed for the garage.

We ended up finishing one wall. We are due to finish the other side labor day weekend since I will have vacation time scheduled off and since I can not afford to go anywhere, I am staying home. So, instead of resting, I will be spending several days doing the following: putting up wallboard, painting and installing baseboards,painting and installing peg board along one wall, installing a attic fan in the front of my house to get rid of the hot air, installing instuallation on the ceiling, installing a new screen door I just purchased (more on that below), painting the garage and then MAYBE getting some rest. Yeah fun stuff!

As for organizing the garage – we will see how long it takes to do that. Once all the above is done we will be putting together some of the workbenches and cabinets I have stored away.

As I said earlier I will be installing a screendoor. Actually its a stormdoor with a lock on it so I can be a little more secure. I have been searching for the right one for several years now and just finalized a decision this past Sunday. I am getting a Full-View Stormdoor from Larson’s called Tradewinds in Earthtone Brown with the brushed nickel doorhandle. Its a bit off from my metal work outside which is a brown colour but I hate the gold plated colour and that was my only other choice. It wasn’t cheap since I had to pay about 40 bucks more for the colour I wanted, they only had white and almond in stock, but I think its worth it. Its glass is low enough that my cat can sit at the door and watch the world but unfortunatly, she can’t feel the air in her hair since the screen only is on the top of the door. But a great advantage to this is that the screen roles up into the top of the door, allowing me not to have to worry in the winter time of having to replace it to keep the cold out. Its pretty nice if I do say so myself. I am due to go pick it up within 14 days of purchase, so… September 1st? Or sometime that week. I can’t wait to be able to have some more freshair in my house and get a nice cross breeze.

I will post the pictures of the garage renovation later.