weight loss

And it keeps going and going…

/ Varza / Leave a comment

… and going. Its been awhile since my last post about my weight loss. With all my emotional crap with being single and all that other fun crap, its hard to remember that part of why I started this blog was to talk about my weight loss.

So, basically, it is still going. I have lost around 40 some lbs and while I have about 80 more to go, I am pretty happy. Frustrated because it isn’t going fast enough but happy that it is going.

My problem has basically been – I start to loose the weigh, go down a few lbs then spend several weeks swinging back up a few lbs then back down then back up and back down and then loose a few more then start all over again.

Its mainly my diet. I haven’t been as good as I probably should for months now. I am tired of it, a bit, but the big thing is late night snacking. I get extremely lonely at night with no one to talk to and I get bored. I get bored – I eat like crazy. I have been trying to not eat but its hard.  I am not sure what to do… and in truth, I don’t want to workout at 11pm right before I go to bed. And I can only eat so much fruits and veggies without turning my stomach contents into liquid.

I don’t have the time I want to be able to make the yummy smoothie-protein shakes I used to. Plus all that fruit costs an arm and a leg. Money is an option, and I would rather pay my bills then not and buy a truck load of fruits.

At the moment, a friend and I are looking at my workouts and trying to reorganize them into something more. Something more then just a basic workout where I can get the best possible response from my body. Its not easy because I want to tone and loose fat. So I have to make sure I don’t over do it on the weight machines.

I am finding help from some magazines, my trainer and an on-line workout/costuming group. The magazine I am recommending is “Oxygen“. I have read quite a few different ones but this one seems to be really about getting healthy and working out. Women’s Health has relationship, fashion and sex advice. Oxygen is all about the workout and nutrition. Plus, it is really nice that on their covers are professional athletes not an actress who has great abs. While I am sure their workouts are great – I would rather see someone who does it for a living giving me their advice. Personally, i don’t want to read about the personal lives of a celebrity – that isn’t what I want out of my fitness magazine.  But maybe its just me?

So after almost a year of doing this, its time to look at my past workouts and reevaluate – and set a new goal. And not just a weight loss goal but something that will be a goal I have to focus on to gain a change. I have one in mind but I am superstitious and don’t want to talk about it just yet.

I am also coming up on the last few months of my golds gym membership and have to decide if I am going to stay there or move to another gym. I found out that Defined Fitness has a student discount membership – its still more expensive then Golds by about 17 bucks but there is the added advantage of their pool. Which would mean I won’t have to trek it on down to the local public pool where there are swim teams and kids jumping on me. Which is a total advantage. Now that it is warming up again and my old swim suit fits again – its time to head back and in truth, adding it up: Defined Fitness is cheaper then going to Golds and going to the public pool.

One draw back is that they are only in New Mexico – if I were to go somewhere else, I am stuck with no gym to go to. Meh, I will figure it out as we get closer to my close date.

But I wanted to give some of my latest stats –

Chest: original-52″,  now 44″
Neck: original-16″,  now 13.8″
Waist: original-49″, now 35″
Hips: original-53.5″, now 44″
Biceps: original-14.5″,15″, now (L)11.5″ ,(R)11.5″
Forearms: original-11″,12″,  now (L) 8.5″,(R) 8.75″
Thighs: original-30″,32,  now (L) 22.”,(R) 22.”
Calves: original-18″,18″,  now (L) 15″,(R) 15″

Like I said its a long process but I am working hard at it…

Weight Loss Woes

/ Varza / 3 Comments

I am damned sexy and any man would be lucky to have me! I know its true, you know its true… so why don’t guys figure that out until its too late? Seriously, they do. Damn them all! lol…

But none of that today. Today is just a general post about my working out and possibly some school stuff, since that started this week.

I have been working on losing weight for about 8 months now and it has been a hard ass struggle so far. On average I should be able to lose about 2 lbs a week, I am averaging about 5lbs per month. On the whole I have lost about 40lbs and mky weight just struggles and struggles to come off and it is a bit tiring. Its hard to like yourself when you hear how fast people are loosing weight and how easy it is for them. Hence, why I have stopped watching infomercials. Those things can be killer on your self-esteem. I lost 40lbs in 8 weeks!

I know I have lost weight and dress, shirt and pants sizes. I am down about 3 sizes now, maybe 4. I work my ass off at the gym each time I go. Okay maybe 98% of the time I go but I am starting to get frustrated. I do ab work every time I see no real changes there. It looks in the same shape. I work and it hurts but in the morning or a few hours there is no pain. So, the question is – am I working out hard enough. How can I know?

I know my trainer has been pushing me and says I am doing great but I don’t feel that way. If I had done as well as I could I would be under 200# by now. Is it because I am not starving myself with my diet. Eating small portions and not always getting the salad at dinner and order a hamburger cause that is what I am hungry for. I refuse to do that and maybe that is my problem. I satisfy my cravings. Now, I don’t go gung how and eat an entire container of ice cream in a siting. Heck I haven’t had ice cream in over a month.  And its not easy but I do it. I don’t eat as many carbs as I want but I still eat like a normal non-dieting person. Not alot, I stay within my calorie margin I believe and watch what I put into my mouth. I eat a lot of salads.

Why won’t I crash diet? Well, basically I want to be able to continue to eat normal and still loose weight. So that when I get to my goal I will be able to eat a normal diet and not gain it all back. Its hard and yes, it is meaning slower results but I am looking in the long run. I have done weight watchers and Jenny Craig but I have failed on both of them. Big time and ended up gaining all the weight back plus more in the end.

But what I would really like to do is go to the doctors and see if there is anything medically that needs attention. I have a feeling I may have a disorder that is part of the reason I gained weight (other then the major snacking and crap eating) as fast as I did and part of why its coming off slowly.

I trust my trainer. He knows what I eat and he doesn’t think I am doing anything wrong. He sees what I eat when I go out to dinner and usually gives me an okay on certain foods. Yes, I do text him when I am out from time to time to discuss my options. He is a good trainer and friend.

So where am I now? Well, heavier then I want to be but getting there. I don’t want to take an entire year from now to loose the last 70lbs to my goal. So what do I need to do? not change my diet… but increase my cardio during my workouts. Not take a day off of cardio just because I am tired and don’t want to even if I have time, like I did last night. But go ahead and do it.

Why won’t I diet more? Well, I like food. I like to eat out. I don’t like to deprive myself of things that bring me joy in life when I can adjust a little – like going protein style on a really goodd burger instead of not having the burger at all? Not having fries but having a salad and stealing one from my friends plate during dinner if I feel the need for one.

Am I succeeding, yes? Yes I am and in my own long ass hard way. I am stubborn what can I say and it seems that my body took up my mentality. 😀

So…. its ‘nother year, you say?

/ Varza / Leave a comment
my niew NYE 2008/09

my niew NYE 2008/09

Well, I made it thru the New Year but not without a few tears shed. That happens when you drink too much and get a few blows to your self-esteem and let your emotions rule you too much. But I got thru it and I cried in private on the phone with a friend. Not in public at the casino where I walked around with my vodka collins contemplating whether I should get a few more just to sleep it all away. I did attempt to flirt – key word attempt. I suck at it apparently especially when the guys in question just gave me a look over then walked away without even a verbal hello. But then again, why go for me with my baggy jeans and pleasantly plump features when there are 27 million Pamela Lee Anderson wanna-Be’s cavorting around the casino.

And while I am willing to dress myself up and dye my hair a crazy red, get it cut (yes I got it cut!), wear make up (but not too much) I don’t think I want to look like Pamela Anderson. Not that she isn’t pretty, I just think she is prettier without the 20 tons of make up and the skin tight clothing on. Seriously, watch that video she made with Tommy and she isn’t wearing a stitch of make up and looks beautiful. But enough of her, lets get back to me! I am much more exciting… and I keep my clothes on in public. And yes, that is a GOOD THING!

I made it the thru the new year with a smile on my face – or at least a shadow of one. With lots of thoughts on my mind and booze in my belly. But in truth, I was feeling good about myself. While I am still in way, lonely I am not overly lonely. I am not going to run out and jump into a relationship but I think my brothers positive attitude that 2009 is my year for love is sinking in. It helps that I have another person in my life who is kinda saying the same thing. I think this will be the year. Something is going to happen this year…

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in truth, the hard thing is that I want to be married on Halloween and this year its on a Saturday – I don’t see that happening but I think I will live. I do feel that the right person may already be in my life – I just don’t realize it yet. Part of me does. But I don’t wa

nt to ignore the fact that alot what I feel is going to happen, doesn’t always happen. That my daydreams rarely come true. The biggest but though is whether or not that person in my life wants me the same way. There is something inside of me that feels less turmoiled and more calm in recent times. That something that feels like it is missing, still isn’t there but its less crazy inside of me. While I know you can’t tell that by my insanely emotional posts, it is the truth. And its time to speak it… my life is crazy, I am crazy and my emotions are crazy. I need a balance to that. And I think its coming into my life.

I am 33, focusing on me for the first time in ages and finding happiness there within myself. While there are times I just want to be held and kissed (I still miss kissing like you miss water when dehydrated) I am not worried. I know it will happen.

My weight loss is still happening, I was able to buy clothing at REI the other day. Right off the rack! No specialized fat ladies store. A regular store and they were fitted and look pretty good on me if I do say so myself. Now I am looking forward to getting home after my trip to the ATL next weekend and finding that cocktail dress I need for my cruise. Because I am now confident that I will find one that will look great on me! Seriously confident…

As for my new years resolutions – you see it above. This is the year of love for me. It will happen. It is no, I am resolving to find love this year. I am know I am going to find love this year. It is my year. No more single-hood for me. And its here, the walls just need to be broken down. I will and am continuing to loose my weight and once I hit under 200 I will be posting a picture of me. It won’t be easy to do but I will do it anyways. that’s pretty much it. I made mine at my birthday. This is just a re-affirmation of them.

But I head home from Vegas in about 18 hours or so… while I am going to miss my familia, I know I will see them in a few days in the ATL and it will be nice to see my kitty, my friends and sleep in my own bed for a few nights.

What are your resolutions? And how was ur New Years?

Dang it all!

/ Varza / 1 Comment

So, half the weight I lost after going back to the pool is pretty much back. To my utter frustration and contempt of my body. I have increased my workouts and I don’t know what else to do… I am stuck in this rut between certain weights and I am fluctuating like crazy and its pissing me off.

I am going on a cruise in just over 4 months and I want to be down 60 more pounds by then and I don’t think I can do it. I have been at this for 4 months already and I have barely lost 30lbs in all that time. I want to loose 3 – 4lbs a week… I am loosing inches – I am down another dress size but I still don’t feel like I am making any headway what so ever on this.

I don’t know what else to do… I am barely eating 1500 – 1700 cals a day and that is with working out. I guess my biggest hurdle is the carbs and cheese/fats. I love them. I can’t help it. My latest trainer has told me to not eat any complex carbs after 7:30pm and I did okay for about 2 days then last night I broke down and had a bowl of cereal and a glass of OJ about 30 minutes before bed. Not good, not good at all.

I have no idea how to get it into this stubborn, bull head brain of mine to change. The only thing I can think of is to start increasing my works ontop of the cutting of the carbs – which I will not cut out just cut back – I am just tired! Tired of being fat and not making headway. I am not used to this with my body. It used to respond quickly and I would see changes a lot faster.

My old trainer stated the other day when I was talking to him that things will start happening soon and I will start seeing more and more changes faster then I was before. But how far away is soon? I mean I am seeing changes already but not enough to not make me frustrated at myself.

Goals and whatnot…

/ Varza / 4 Comments

So, things have gotten a bit better since I last posted. I did not walk away, in truth, I have too much going on in my life that is 100x’s more important then people bitching about stupid crap. Now back to my real life, where I pretty much happy. I say pretty much because we all have bad days… right?

Things are going well on my diet/lifestyle change. I think I am still loosing weight and I know I am shrinking. How, you ask? Well, my workout pants that I have been using were a XXL but the other day I went and picked up another pair. But, accidently I picked up an XL instead of an XXL, they fit really well. As well as my XXL did when I picked them up over a month ago. I am very happy with that. How can I not be? I went to the movies last night and noticed that my hips didn’t hit the sides of the seat. I realized they hadn’t in the past few weeks but I didn’t think about it then. Last night, having gotten up several times for the bathroom and snacks, before the movie started, I did. Even after I treated myself to a scoop of Double Fudge Chocolate Ice Cream, hey we have to treat ourselves from time to time. Right? Or we go crazy!!!

But, I have been thinking of my end goals, when I hit my final weight goal – which is 150lbs, if my body will do it. What will I give myself. Well, after thinking about it I think I will do what I have been wanting to do for the last 5 – 8 years but haven’t because of my weight. A beautiful tattoo on my right back shoulder. I have the design in mind but it will be a bit more original then walking into the store and saying – hey, I want that. And it is possible I will cover up a really bad tat I have on my inner hip. With what? I haven’t a clue. Maybe a spartan sheild from 300 since it has a special place in my heart for my weight loss.

My other goal – to make a costume I have been wanting to do for the past few years but there was no way in hell I would ever be able to pull it off unless I was in shape. More on that when it gets time to start on it.

Today has been a good day so far… about 3 hours left in work and then I can go home and workout then work on some projects I have been pushing off for the past few weeks while I go to the gym.