Just Another Day in Paradise

I have been attempting to have a positive, light hearted attitude and not let my doubts and worries overcome me. I will say, its damned hard and I wish it burned calories for me because I feelt like I am in an uphill battle.  I can be skipping along (metaphorically speaking) and then bam, one little thing and its doubt city.

And then my courage fails. Well, whatever courage I still have. Most of it is hiding in the kitchen pantry and has been for years. I can close my eyes and seee myself going and walking past that cute cop or being all sexy and seductress like but then I open my eyes and just freak out thinking – like hell I will.

So, I push it all back and don’t worry about it since I’m not gonna do it anyways, it doesn’t matter. Right? WRONG! It does… But enough of this crap… I just want to be secure in someones affections outside of the family. And sometimes I just screw things up royally when I let my instincts flow and a dying friendship is completely killed because I can’t keep my mouth shut.

I am going to test myself in the coming days. Go against my fear and see what happens. BTW, any guys reading this – do not decide if something is fair for a girl in words of a relationship. Maybe she knows it and is still willing to give it a go.

As for the rest of my life – I am back in school and I am doing okay. Love the Western Civ class. English is going to kill me I think but my first grade in the class wasn’t bad. It could of been worse, it could of been better but I messed up on the assignment and didn’t have any time left to finish it so I had to turn it in half-assed and hoped for the best. I got a 38 out of 50 points, which is about a 78/C. It was an assessment test to see if I should retake English 101 or what. I got a better grade then the two people sitting next to me who took English 101 last semseter and finished early. I’m gonna take that as a good thing…

Lets see, what else. I am getting ready for my cruise. I leave in about 12 days. It seems like a long time but its not! Especially when you still need to buy your clothes and pack and find time to get waxing done! Yes, I said waxing! Boo! Girls wax! OMG! lol… But seriously, my time is just really rare now a days. I have only one real day off each week and that is Sundays. This Sunday is packed, next Sunday is packed (thank you Steelers!) and then no other days between that. So, I am trying to find the time to make sure I get everything in before I leave… My poor cat is going to hate me when I come back. This will be my 3rd trip in less then two months. But I am sure she will survive. Hopefully, if she doesn’t somone is going to pay. OH! And I need to find time to make myself some easily packed and wearable clothing for the trip. Some simple pants and shirts. Yeah, cause I’m not busy enough?

Not much else is going on. Doing some writing when I can find the time and inspiration. Which isn’t often but it happens. No one has told me I need to get married (outside of my own traitorous brain) in the past few weeks, so that is always good to not have that pressure on me as well.

Thats it for now… toodles!

Nothing Too New and Exciting…

Just a general update, there isn’t much new and exciting going on in my life right now. Things are a little crazy and busy but that isn’t anything new. My life is always a little crazy. Heck, I’m a little crazy!

We are about 2.5 weeks away from Christmas and I am looking forward to it. Unfortunatly, I will be spending Christmas away from my parents again this year and will be heading to Las Vegas to celebrate it with my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. I always look forward to heading to Las Vegas, there is something about the area I really like and its not just the casinos. I spend most of my time on the outskirts of the city near henderson in the regular people world. Not the casino area. And its really nice. Laid back, relaxed and nice.

What I want to do is figure something out for New Years Eve. I know there has to be a few parties going on and I want to do something more then I did last year, which was sit in a hotel room with the familia and watch Law & Order. I can’t do any heavy partying and staying out late since the following day is my nephews bday which means its his day. And his very firm on his entire family that can be there, will be there with him. I don’t know where he gets his stubborness from at all? lol…

But other then that, I am just preparing myself for the upcoming year. I have decided to head back to school once more and I have three classes on my list for the semester: Analytic Writing, Western Civilization I (a history class on pre-middle ages civilization) and Intro to Sociology. Not much right? Yeah… I think I may end up shooting myself come the end of April. But I want to get my degree and my work has agreed to work around my school schedule to allow me this. My sociology class will be taken online though. So, two classes on Monday & Wednesday during the day then the one online.

The hardest part will be when I go on my vacation to the Caribbean at the beginning of February. I guess I could of cancelled my vaca but I didn’t take a real one this year because I knew I was heading out of town in Feb. So, we will see. I will contact my teachers and talk to them about it. Maybe they will work with me. I mean, I have two full days on the water with nothing much to do. I can do homework on vacation. I won’t like it – but I will do it. Cause I want a freaking piece of paper, damnit!

Lets see… love life – still non-existant. Curious – have you ever met someone that you felt a deep connection with but still felt it wasn’t right? But I have been having more thoughts on what I want the future Mr. Varza.