Time to Figure It Out Part 2!

I told you I would be back to finish that last part of this adventure. If you need to reread or read for the first time, Part one go here: Time to Figure It Out Part 1.

Okay, when we last left off I rushed through what I thought I should major in. Since then I have had some deep discussions with my mom. She too didn’t go to college until she was in her 20s and 30s, mainly cause of raising kids and having to work to help support the household. My mom had some interesting thoughts on what I should major in but her main point was to just get a degree in something, and preferably something that wasn’t too specific. That if I go for a very specific degree it would be harder to find a job in just anything. Whereas a degree in just English or liberal arts would give me a degree and the ability for a wider range of positions. For example, I could go for a psychology degree, but in truth unless I am willing to go further in my education then a bachelors it is basically worthless.

She also stated that, this is what minors are for. I could major in English and minor in something else. This would give me a focus but not too specific a focus. Is she right? Probably but the real question is if it is right for me. I have no clue but I do know that my mom is speaking from experience. It took her over a decade to final graduate from college in her 40s. She went for an teaching degree… now she loved teaching but hated the politics of the administration in the education system today. So, now she has a teaching degree which isn’t really good for much beyond teaching.

I look at my brother, he went for a history degree with a teaching degree attached to it. He is stuck working in retail. I look at my friends who majored in psychology – one can’t find a job because that degree means nothing without, like I said, another degree attached to it; the other works for the government in a job that needs no degree for people to do. Another friend with a journalism degree who works at a gym for just about minimum wage. And the stories go on and on and on…

So, does the major really matter? And in that case, if I do this I can only be sure that it does not guarantee me a job in career just because I have a piece of paper. I have to really look to the outside of just the degree and find out – what do I want to study for 2 – 3 years and where would I like to go to school.

I have been looking and asking for information on some schools and found that not all of them have departments for all the different majors. Such as the University of Pittsburgh, a school I wanted to attend most of my childhood, does not have a journalism school. So, if I want to move back to Pittsburgh at all – I could not major in journalism. Not that really matters, there are plenty of schools that have a journalism department in different parts of the country.

I have stated before that I am looking at possibly moving out of New Mexico to another part of the country, preferably to the east coast. In my search for university and colleges I started to look overseas to the UK. One of my dreams since I was a kid was to live somewhere on the British Isles for a few years. This is a possibility for me to do with finishing up my final years of school. I couple of the universities I came across are very open to international students of all ages and also give scholarships to help pay for your time there – including housing. Depending on my major – this is another possibility for me.

I am right now stuck on two majors: Journalism or English. Either one would be good but part of me wants to follow my mothers advice and go for the more general degree of English (most places don’t have a general lib. arts degree anymore at least that I can see) and possibly do two minors. One in journalism and another in business. The business would give me a back up. Or do a double major in English & Business w/ a minor in Journalism. Something on my paper that gives me something more concrete in the real world. Something that I could grow with and hopefully give me a boost up in the insanity that is life.

Maybe I did not find my exact major at this time but I do now at least have it narrowed down to a more specific region of study. I have come to realize that there are things, while I think they would be fascinating to do, are things that I would hate doing as a career. Now, I just need to figure out that last bit but I have awhile before I have to have it solid. I can spend the next year finalizing it and helping it come to fruition.

Time to Figure It Out

Here is one of my major stresses right now, which I have discussed before and am still working it out: what should I major in? I have a major right now of general studies for a transfer to a regular university after I finish at the local community college. And I have chosen several majors throughout the many years of schooling and always end up realizing its not the right one then quitting school because I have NO CLUE what I should be trying to focus on.

This is nothing new, I have spent my life jumping from one thing to the next. I want to be this and then I want to be that and so on and so on until I am where I am today: 33 years old with no idea of what I want to be when I grow up. I have wasted so many years trying to be something special or unique or super intelligent. Seriously. Here are some of my dreams from when I was a kid on up:

  • teacher
  • lois lane or journalist
  • princess (yes, I was very young at the time)
  • Rockette
  • broadway star
  • actress
  • writer
  • director
  • music video director
  • fashion designer
  • anthropologist
  • business owner
  • personal trainer
  • psychologist
  • restaurant manager
  • nurse
  • oceanographer
  • and on and on and on…

You can get a general idea. I have gone over a lot of these things several times since I was a youngling and I keep doing it. Right now, I have no inkling. Its not that I don’t think I won’t be good at anything; its more of a sense of well, I can do anything and be good at it. In all seriousness though, how do I narrow it down?

Why am I so concerned with this now? In all honesty, I am tired of not knowing. I am tired of saying I am going to school but not having a clue why I am even going there in the first place. I am not a stupid person but there is very little that I am whole heartily thinking I want to do. Jealously rears it head at times when I talk to people who have always known or known for most of their lives what they wanted to be since they were teenagers. Most of those people have their careers and have no desire to do anything else. I fear that when I finally choose something that I am will find I hate it or suddenly want to do another career. Of course, I have this same problem with men, I can’t settle on what I want there either because I am afraid I will choose unwisely and end up hating my decision.

There are some inklings and flashes I have had over the years of what I should do. I can see myself accepting an oscar for best screenplay or best actress, hell I even have my speech all prepared for when it happens. I can see myself listening to people discuss their problems. I can see myself in front of a classroom at a college discussing a number of subjects. I can see myself well, doing any of those things listed above. The question is though: would I be happy in any of those?

Being an actress would be great but I would hate the spotlight because I like privacy. Listening to people and helping them solve their problems would be fascinating but I would get bored because I don’t want to always have to deal with other peoples crap. Teaching would be interesting but I get annoyed when people ask stupid questions and how would I focus on one subject? See the problem there? My negative personality traits rear their head when I really start to think about that job.

I recently asked some friends and family a question: if you could see me being anything, in any career path, what would it be? The responses I got were earily simiular: writer, editor, goat herder. Actually the goat herder was a bit off the cuff and I think my brothers way of telling me he didn’t want to give me an answer. But I got writer and editor several times over. I would love to be a writer but I am horrible at it. Okay, not horrible at writing. Horrible at finishing all the damn stories that are in my head but I do like to write. I have fun with it. Now, I have that. Writing, I can do that but will I be able to make a career out of it.

I also recently asked for advice on finding a career where I can put to use all the useless knowledge in my head, which I have a lot of, and my ability to sound intelligent and knowledgable when I talk. Then I got the response of politician which I swiftly threw in the garbage because that is one career I have absolutly no desire to be in. I do not like politicians, I find most of them to be the scum of the earth.

So, lets look at what I am good at… what am I good at? I have no clue but I am going to try to figure out some of these things but I do know what I like to do!

  • writing – I am actually very good at writing, and I have a somewhat decent grasp on the english language
  • research – something interests me or I have a question about something, I am really good at finding out the answers and sometimes I am able to pass that knowledge on
  • and….. um, hum… I don’t know what else to write here.

There you go… I am sure there is more but in truth, my boss aka mom keeps coming back into the office and its hard to write when I keep having to change the screen. My thought process is getting jumbled with actual real life work…

I do have an inkling of where I am going with this… Can you guess? I think I know where my niche is, its just wether or not it will want me. My thought the other day that I should maybe look back to my childhood dream job. What I really wanted to be when I grew up. I used to annoy the heck out of my brother pretending to be a journalist like Lois Lane before I could even write and for years I would walk around with a notepad and pencil, writing down everything people said (in my own pre writing scribble that only I could read) and well anything and everything. Even the prices at the cornerstore.

What is this job? I already said it and if you have ever read a comic book you will know. And who knows, maybe I will finally meet my “superman”.

I will attempt to continue this train of thought in my next blog but we will see won’t we. I am bad at the whole follow through thing.

Soooo… its been a few weeks…

But, I am alive and somewhat well just hella busy with school, work and all that other crap that takes up like called: Darth Real Life. I have also been in kind of a funk. The stress of everything is getting to me and I have no real desire to do anything. Not even to count how the stress is affecting my diet… which is sucking the big one for the past few weeks. I am a stress eater… and I am lacking funds for healthy good foods so I am eating crap I shouldn’t be eating. And probably drinking too many protein shakes then are good for me.

I just want a week away from it all but my funds are so bad lately its really sad. My mortgage also went up and I am desperatly trying to find a way to refinance right now without any luck. I keep being told I have to come up with large down payments… if I had 5 grand in the bank do you really think I would need to refinance? Seriously… And its not my actual mortgage its the frakking property taxes that keep going up each year and upping my monthly payment. Right now I am paying almost 300 bucks a month into my escrow account that my mortgage company pays my taxes, insurance and all that other crap out of.

So, I will be hopefully making some more calls today and see if I can get into that program out there. I don’t regret buying my home. I love my home but I should of taken the 500 dollar loss and bought the townhouse I had been looking at. Smaller and was about 50 grand cheaper.

Just a tip for home buyers – your first year taxes are not permant rates. They will go up several hundred within a year or two. At least here in New Mexico. They didn’t tell me that when I bought my home, imagine my surprise when one month my payment was 800 and the next month 1,000. Not fun at all!

As for my diet and workout – I am stuck at anothe plateau and have been there for over a month now. I know part of it is my diet. part if my decreased cardio and part stress. I am tired of feeling defeated by trying to loose weight and not succeeding. I am still struggling over wanting to quit but I have to wait until when I get paid again but I need to quit “cheating” on my diet and just do it. In last months Oxygen there was an article on loosing 10lbs in a month. I think I am going to jumpstart my system with it starting next week after paying my bills. Its a hardcore diet and I will have to cut back majorily on my workouts so I don’t burn myself out. But with school ending in a few weeks, I think that the time I have to destress from classes before the next round is the best bet.

I need to do something I think and this is the only thing I can think of. Get rid of 10# and then go from there. This will also jumpstart me back onto the healthy regiment and hopefully get me off of the roller coaster of bad crap. And then afterwards I can start on the diet a friend gave me but we will see.

Speaking of school, only a few more weeks left. I have an A in my history class and a high C in my english class. I have a research paper due in both of them on Monday and I have been working on them. But probably not like I should be. Then again, I have always pressured myself to wait until the last minute on most of my papers. Always have… tried to change that and always start out early then meh. Just sit there staring at my moniter for hours on end.

But I just paid for the summer session with school, taking Anatomy & Physiology with a lab. Three days of classes. I was going to add on an algerbra class but decided against it. Its going to be hard enough especially since my nephew is in town again this summer. I will have to take it in the fall… I hate math with all my might. Seriously seriously hate it and wish I didn’t have to take it.

I did finally sign up for finanical aid for next year. Hopefully I will get it so I can have one less stress on my wallet. But I won’t know until the summer, I think. I haven’t heard anything from the school. Just the gov saying its been accepted and the info given to the school. They will let me know if I have been granted a grant. Wish me luck. I really need it. School is just too dang expensive – inexpensive but still. When you are living paycheck to paycheck… anything is alot on your budget.

AS for a major – still nothing. One of my friends said I should be a scholar and do religious/mythological studies. Since I already know a bunch and since I already read things then retell it in my own words – I am already being one. I find it funny… me a scholar? I barely graduated high school. But he thinks I would be really good with it. That I would be excellent at going around giving lectures and whatnot. Personally, I think it would be great but dang that would take me forever! But maybe… I will put it on the list.

I have had no time to even look for romance – incase you were wondering. I am trying to do the whole meet new people but everything costs money to do… and I save that for hanging out with people I already know. And I don’t get to do that often enough. I am starting to notice more and more guys around. Maybe my gym had a run of hot guys sign up at the gym – even though some of them have been around for awhile but I am just now noticing their cuteness since my crush has disappated.

So, I am keeping my eye open and making myself smile more if I see them smile at me, so we will see what happens. But I am pretty sure a guy was checking me out at the grocery store the other day… but hard to say… made eye contact a few times and he smiled. But then again – have had that happen before and it was just a guy being nice.

Okay, I think this is long enough… I will post my workouts from the past few weeks in the next day or so…

Also – I am on twitter… addicted to the damn thing I think: http://twitter.com/varza