Work

Time to Figure It Out Part 2!

/ Varza / 2 Comments

I told you I would be back to finish that last part of this adventure. If you need to reread or read for the first time, Part one go here: Time to Figure It Out Part 1.

Okay, when we last left off I rushed through what I thought I should major in. Since then I have had some deep discussions with my mom. She too didn’t go to college until she was in her 20s and 30s, mainly cause of raising kids and having to work to help support the household. My mom had some interesting thoughts on what I should major in but her main point was to just get a degree in something, and preferably something that wasn’t too specific. That if I go for a very specific degree it would be harder to find a job in just anything. Whereas a degree in just English or liberal arts would give me a degree and the ability for a wider range of positions. For example, I could go for a psychology degree, but in truth unless I am willing to go further in my education then a bachelors it is basically worthless.

She also stated that, this is what minors are for. I could major in English and minor in something else. This would give me a focus but not too specific a focus. Is she right? Probably but the real question is if it is right for me. I have no clue but I do know that my mom is speaking from experience. It took her over a decade to final graduate from college in her 40s. She went for an teaching degree… now she loved teaching but hated the politics of the administration in the education system today. So, now she has a teaching degree which isn’t really good for much beyond teaching.

I look at my brother, he went for a history degree with a teaching degree attached to it. He is stuck working in retail. I look at my friends who majored in psychology – one can’t find a job because that degree means nothing without, like I said, another degree attached to it; the other works for the government in a job that needs no degree for people to do. Another friend with a journalism degree who works at a gym for just about minimum wage. And the stories go on and on and on…

So, does the major really matter? And in that case, if I do this I can only be sure that it does not guarantee me a job in career just because I have a piece of paper. I have to really look to the outside of just the degree and find out – what do I want to study for 2 – 3 years and where would I like to go to school.

I have been looking and asking for information on some schools and found that not all of them have departments for all the different majors. Such as the University of Pittsburgh, a school I wanted to attend most of my childhood, does not have a journalism school. So, if I want to move back to Pittsburgh at all – I could not major in journalism. Not that really matters, there are plenty of schools that have a journalism department in different parts of the country.

I have stated before that I am looking at possibly moving out of New Mexico to another part of the country, preferably to the east coast. In my search for university and colleges I started to look overseas to the UK. One of my dreams since I was a kid was to live somewhere on the British Isles for a few years. This is a possibility for me to do with finishing up my final years of school. I couple of the universities I came across are very open to international students of all ages and also give scholarships to help pay for your time there – including housing. Depending on my major – this is another possibility for me.

I am right now stuck on two majors: Journalism or English. Either one would be good but part of me wants to follow my mothers advice and go for the more general degree of English (most places don’t have a general lib. arts degree anymore at least that I can see) and possibly do two minors. One in journalism and another in business. The business would give me a back up. Or do a double major in English & Business w/ a minor in Journalism. Something on my paper that gives me something more concrete in the real world. Something that I could grow with and hopefully give me a boost up in the insanity that is life.

Maybe I did not find my exact major at this time but I do now at least have it narrowed down to a more specific region of study. I have come to realize that there are things, while I think they would be fascinating to do, are things that I would hate doing as a career. Now, I just need to figure out that last bit but I have awhile before I have to have it solid. I can spend the next year finalizing it and helping it come to fruition.

Justification my butt…

/ Varza / 1 Comment

I have to get this off my chest… my life is a little insane at the moment and I am feeling like I have to justify my actions of my life to people constantly.

So what I am selling my female tusken – why? I keep getting that. Because I have bills to pay and you know what, I am tired of feeling like I have to play dress up when I am not enjoying it that much anymore. I don’t. Its fun for a time then I get hot and uncomfortable in my costume then I become miserable. Does this mean I will not ever costume again? No, just I need a break from it. I need to stop spending a majority of my time worrying about people who I don’t like and who don’t like me and having to be around them just to wear my costume at an event. Seriously, I get stress when I have to deal with people who I know hate me. Having to put on a smiling face and act like nothing is wrong. I need to not use it as a reason to exist and hide from myself.

This isn’t everyone – just some. I love my friends that I have made over the course of years that have passed. And I want to be around them as much as possible but if that means they don’t want to talk to me anymore (as some of them have decided to do recently) then so be it… then maybe to me it was only a friendship. At this point I really don’t care. I can’t stay the person I have been since I moved to New Mexico. Letting people treat me like shit and acting like it doesn’t matter. And being seen as weak when I walk away. I don’t want to fight for falsness… its not me.

The other thing is the crap going on at work. Its stressful, we are loosing one of our stores (we have two locations) because our building was bought by Lowes and will be demolished to make way for their new building. We have to move. My mom put up a sign saying we are closing and I am tired already of having to justify why we are closing and dealing with the circling vultures of sales. Seriously, when a buisiness is closing its a highly emotional thing for the people who own it and work there. Putting pressure on them to explain how dare they close down… I’m sorry but that is down right rude! You are being put out because you will have to drive a few more blocks to another catholic store. WE are loosing part of our lives. Something we put our heart, sweat and tears into for almost a decade. And we have to be concerned for YOU. We are concerned with not breaking down.

And I wish like hell I could slap someone. We are open until December 29th… and people are expecting us to have the entire store for half off already. Seriously, another reason I hate people. We can’t afford to move to a new location – and the people bitching are the ones who only come in for a $1.40 candle every few months. Yeah that will sustain us. Go to Wal-Mart… I really don’t give a shit.

My life is an a total upheavel and I have people pressuring me to make them happy. You know what I am TIRED, fucking tired as hell of having to make everyone else happy before myself. So, what I am not going to do a costume to make your group happen… I am trying to keep my house, loose weight, go back to school and keep my mother from having a nervous breakdown thru this transistion right now. I am loosing my closest friends and they don’t care. All I want to do is pack up my bags and leave. Run away from it all but I can’t.

I have come so damned far from that night so long ago when I almost ended it all with a bottle of whiskey and sleeping pills. When I thought I had nothing to live for. That no one could ever love me – even my family. That I was nothing. Am nothing and worth nothing. I am not that person anymore. The person who threw away her life because she couldn’t make anyone around her happy.

My life is my life – I have to do what I have to do to survive. I have been thru hell and back so many damned times. And most of it alone. If I loose more of my friends, then I loose them. There has only been a handful of people who have seen me thru the hardest times and that was my family. So often in the past when my life spun out of control my friends walked away from me or I left them. Why would I want them to see it?

Am I too serious? Touchy? Yeah, probably but that is who I am. A shell of a person most of the times with emotinal scaring that is layered on top of each other. Each time someone treated me like I was worthless… and I am tired of feeling that. I am worth something. I AM WORTH SOMETHING! Even if it is only to myself and I don’t have to justify that to ANYONE.

Tips for Shoppers

/ Varza / 2 Comments

Seriously, a majority of people out there need these tips. Either that or someone to smack you upside your head for the rudeness, idiocy, meaness and just down right bad treatment who are there to serve you. Please note that these tips aren’t for everyone, just the really bad customers who make working retail a living hell.

I am writing these tips because they are things that I have experience from working retail for many a years and I have finally reached my breaking point. I am tired of being someone’s punching bag just because they think they have the right to treat me like crap because they aren’t going to get their way. You would be amazed at how often a full-grown human adult acts like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum. Its annoying as hell and I am frakking tired of it. Sorry, but the human race is mean when it comes down to it. We aren’t naturally nice and sweet and what not. We are mean, territorial and asshats to the extreme naturally.

  • Say Thank You every once in awhile. The people serving you are usually on their feet all day long and being treated like they aren’t human. A thank you from someone can really make a day better.
  • We don’t give a flying shit if you can’t find what you are looking for. We don’t have a factory up our asses to make it for you. We smile and say we are sorry. Because we are but we can’t change the fact if we don’t have the toy your kid has to have right now and its not going to ruin our day. So quite screaming.
  • If you sign a lay-a-way contract and people have repeatably tried to get a hold of you. Do not threaten to sue us because you lost your money since you couldn’t figure out how to use a damned phone to explain a situation.  They’ve been around since the mid-1800s, I’m sure you are THAT old.
  • Scream at me all you want, all you are doing is pissing me off and making me less likely to actually help you. If it continues, you will be asked to leave the premises due to the harassment.
  • If the policy says no refund – it means no refund. Not no refund except for you. Seriously, read the fine print or listen.
  • We don’t have one on one service in most stores, realize that there are other customers that need to be taken care of other then you. We will do our best but on a good day its 1 worker to 3 customers, on a bad day or sale/holiday season its 1 worker to about 10 customers. Its kinda hard to be glued to your side the entire time. Please understand we want to help you as much as possible. And we will. But if you go rude on us do not expect us to kiss your ass.
  • If you are having a hard time shopping during the holiday season do not take it out on the employees of the store. Most likely you aren’t the only one having a bad day and that employee you are screaming at has had to deal with your bad day and everyone elses. Use the holiday spirit and show some kindness by understand that your bad day is nothing compared to the person you treat like crap. If you are nice to them – they will be better to you and help you more then someone who is making them want to jump in front of a bus because the sweater isn’t in your size.
  • Karma happens – seriously. And if you aren’t into that… do unto others. Its the Golden Rule for a frakking reason. What else – what goes around, comes around. Blah blah blah….
  • Another holiday tip – everyone deserves to be happy during the holidays, even those who don’t celebrate it. But working retail usually makes most retail workers dread it… give the gift of kindness. I am saying it again for a reason.
  • Do not lie to us, we aren’t stupid. We know lies when we hear them since we hear those and more then enough excuses for the entire senior class to use to play hookie everyday of the year. Seriously, look down on us all you want – we aren’t dumb because we work retail. We work retail because we want to.
  • If you break something do not hide it and leave the store. Pay for it! If you don’t its the same as stealing something. It is theft, that thing is now unsellable and will be thrown away. Money out the door.
  • If you see someone shop lifting – tell a sales person so they can handle the situatioin. You are as guilty as someone else if you see a crime being commited and don’t do something to correct the situation. At least in my eyes. Would you turn a blind eye on someone who was beating the life out of a child or robbing a bank? No… a crime is a crime. Make the world slightly better and be a person who helps instead of ignores.

Thats about it… I’m in a foul mood because I was screamed at on the phone for a half hour with a customer we have now decided to ask to not ever come back into our store. That they are banned. For many of the above reasons. It sucks… and I am tired of it. Really I am. I don’t deserve to be screamed at because someone elses life is crappy. If I could do it without loosing customers I would hang up on every single person that was rude to me.

And seriously, since working retail for the past 5 years straight I am really hating the human race. I have lost pretty much all hope and thoughts that we are any good because of the amount of abuse that it thrown in my face on a weekly basis by others who think nothing of treating me like crap because I am just a thing to them. I am not a thing. I am a human being who deserves respect if for nothing else other then being there with a smile on my face even though for all you know my pet died that morning or I am going thru a break up with my boyfriend. I listen to your problems and don’t ask for the same in return. I will do everything in my power to make you happy and give you what you want. I listen to you talk hatred without being able to stand up for myself. I have my holidays and good days ruined so you can make yours slightly better.

Thats all for my bitching at the moment… damn I am so not looking forward to Christmas.