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Annotated Bibliography Suck, Part 2

/ Varza / 1 Comment

Okay, now that sonny-boy is down for the evening it is time to finish up my last blog post. I already gave a quick run down on the War of 1812 and the Bombardment of Fort McHenry, where 1000 men were bombed for 28 hours straight. And I complained that I didn’t like annotated bibs even though I will have to write them again in the future… or speculated that I would.

Now, why do I dislike them so? It’s not that I think they are useless, they have their purpose. They breakout for the teachers where you are going with your research and your paper. It helps you compile everything into one area. Where are you going to go back to, to get your research on. I hate them because they are so damned difficult. I can write a bib, no problem, with a little help of the Owl at Purdue (probably the most important resource for anyone in school at any level). It’s the description part of it. I never feel like I get it right or I am doing it correctly, and I hate this feeling so much! I hate feel lost and discombobulated when I am doing something for school. It brings back all those bad emotions from when I was a kid. I can still hear my English teacher from 6th grade shouting in my face about how stupid I am.

Yes, I know, I need to get past these things and I am for the most part. I think everyone gets these emotions during their bad moments. Those doubts that ate away at you in the past can rear their ugly heads when they feel you are vulnerable. School can do this to me so easily. Yes, I love being in school right now but there are times it is such a struggle still. I didn’t give up in high school because I was lazy, I gave up because I knew in my head I was too stupid for it and it wasn’t worth the energy. I believed this whole-hardheartedly. It was draining. It still can be. I can still end up in tears with the pain that courses through my body when I begin to doubt myself. I had support at home but as anyone who has ever been a teenager knows… that doesn’t matter when everyone else around you helps confirm those doubts.

These are the same doubts that stall my writing as well. I have always wanted to be a writer, it was my secret dream but I am scared shitless of the possibility of success and/or the negative reviews that will come my way. Even the best writers in the history of the world have their haters. I do not know if I can successfully navigate that minefield when it comes down to it. The question than becomes… is achieving my dreams worth the negativity that will be aimed in my direction. Will I be able to, emotionally and mentally, survive it. I am luckier now then I was a few years ago… I have a husband who believes in me and will do anything to protect me. He also doesn’t allow me to drown in my own doubts, which he doesn’t understand why I have any. I don’t understand how he can’t see it. But isn’t that usually away… we are our own worst judges. I am harder on myself then anyone else could ever be; which could be a blessing but it can also be a negative because nothing is ever good enough in my own mind (when I think of my own expectations of myself).

So, the annotated bib? I will be doing it, even though it may be late, because I need to. I will swallow my doubts and get on with my life. It’s only a couple pages right?

Annotated Bibliographies Suck…

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I am currently working on several papers for school. One is due next week in my English class and I am supposed to write a critical study for one of the short stories in our book for class. The other one is in my History class and due at the end of the semesters and counts as our final. We could do it on any historical subject in American History prior to 1865 (the class title as well). But its not that we can just wait until the end of the semester and write it all at the last minute. We have several deadlines in class that will be graded that get us through major steps. Our first one was the topic – with the help of my prof I decided to focus on the bombardment of Fort McHenry during the Battle of Baltimore/War of 1812.

Now, tomorrow, we have to turn in our annotated bibliography for the paper. If anyone has ever written one, you kinda know why they suck to put together. Instead of having months to research and find your documentation, we have a few weeks to gather together what we will be using (5 primaries, 5 secondaries) for our research. Not only listing them but putting down a description of the item and the reason for using it. What it will support, etc.

I am sure they have a purpose: figure out your research, have it all focused and such. And I am sure this won’t be the last one I will ever write (especially since I am thinking of taking the next section from the same Prof) over the next few years for school. I am guessing they are necessary for thesis papers and such. My hubs and I have discussed the possibility of me going for my Masters after I get my Bachelors… I am sure they will be due then. But it is hard, having to find ten resources on what is considered a very minor skirmish in a war most people don’t even know happened. Strange as it may seems.

One would wonder why I would go for this subject then. Why not go for an easier topic like: Salem Witch Trials, Ben Franklin, Jamestown, etc. Other then the fact that they are super obvious to me as topics (I actually heard two people discussing the Witch trials with the prof), I grew up knowing about Fort McHenry and what was important about the day of the Bombardment beyond that of the writing of the National Anthem. My grandmothers family is from around there… about a short 10 minute drive, so when we would go to Baltimore for vacation and visit family it was always a destination we would visit as well. Why not? It is a beautiful place, full of history.

Why was it important? It kept the British from taking Baltimore, which at the time was considered more important then Washington being burnt down. Washington at the time was just starting to become the hub of the American government. The White House was there, famously burned down by the Brits, and the Capital but it was not the city it was today. Many people were afraid that if Baltimore (one of the countries richest and leading ports) was taken, the Brits could make their way to Philadelphia. So, our 1000 men at Fort McHenry, holding off the Brits for 25 hours and making them turn around was a big moment in our national history. That was in 1814, before the famous Battle of New Orleans with Andrew Jackson and two years after a war began with our invasion of Canada.

This year is also the bicentennial of the start of the war, I bet you had no idea. We didn’t really celebrate it but we should because it really affirmed us as a nation in the eyes of the rest of the world because we were able to hold our ground.

Now, I would love to lecture more but alas my son just woke up and I need to go get him.

Back 2 School, Mama!

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Here I sit, in the campus library, during my third week of school. I am exhausted, getting over being sick and looking at the books from the two classes I am taking. All the while feeling completely overwhelmed already but at the same time satisfied with being here. My parents are almost always shocked to hear about how much I love being in school now because I was a horrible student when I was younger and hated having to go. In fact, I probably missed more of my classes then I attended because I could care less by the time I reached my senior year. I had learned that I didn’t matter after I got tested for LD’s (learning disabilities) and I really didn’t care. I knew I was going nowhere in my life.

Enough of the self-pitying. It took years for me to come to the conclusion that I wanted to get my degree, no matter what. It hasn’t been easy. It took me eighteen years to get my Associates Degree, as well as attending five or six different community colleges in three different states, and I am now working towards my Bachelors. It also took me that long to realize that I wanted to get a degree in something I loved. I could care less about getting a degree in something that would guarantee me a big paycheck. As well as the fact, that I wanted to be able to get into a field where I could hopefully work around my child/ren lives, and not them live around mine.

My biggest hurdle was that this semester I was going to have to put my Son into daycare if I was going to continue working towards my degree. My hubs and I had long conversations. I wanted to just give up and stay at home with Son and any future children, I didn’t need a degree right? He pushed me and encouraged me to keep going. Son is almost a year and a half, he has spent his entire life up to now with just me. It will possibly be another year and a half before we can even comprehend having another kid. He needed to be around other children, to learn to socialize with kids his own age. I know there are some out there that consider my decision to go back to school as a selfish act, because I am putting that above taking care of my Son. Hell, I feel that way as well but I keep reminding myself that getting my degree will hopefully benefit him one day as well. He is also seeing that education is important because I am studying with him and in front of him. That as long as you have a dream, you can fulfill it no matter what your age or barriers that come up. My barriers were self-inflicted: I never thought I was worth the work to get a degree. I felt I was no one special so why try. Just like in relationships, my lack of self-love was hidden behind a false front of confidence (I didn’t need no one or anything to make me happy) when I was dying inside. I don’t want my son to grow up seeing that in a woman… a self-hatred, lack of self-respect. I want him to see me as a strong woman, who works like crazy for her dream.

Yes, I am giving up three days a week with him… well, partial days but our time together now is more precious. For three days a week, it is just me and him. On Saturday and part of Friday, its only daddy who exists. I am also giving up time with my husband. We now only have one day a week together because of my school schedule but those days are more about us being a family then me being with Son while Daddy works around the house. Hubs gets Fridays while we are at school to work and get things done. By the time we get home… we can be together. Saturday we can go out. Or they go out and I stay at home and study. Its working, it’s not easy but it works for us in the hopes that one day we can take bigger vacations together and show our child/ren the world, or get them into better schools, help them with activities, etc.

I also look at the benefits of Son being in school; I say school not daycare because they do learning time even if it’s a very broad amount of learning. In less than two weeks, his language skills are getting better (he says bye now), he is learning to wash his hands, put on his shoes, drink from a cup, serve himself food, etc. The school is also on campus, which helps me feel more secure. If something happens, I can be there within two minutes from anywhere on campus. He has an actual teacher who leads his classes, and comes up with lesson plans as well as at least four other ladies he can flirt with while he is there. He listens better than before, though he is still a handful, and like I said this is just after two weeks of classes. Maybe it sounds like I am justifying myself and in a way I am because I want to make sure he is happy. Yes, we have gone from not caring that mommy is even the room to screaming when I leave; but it doesn’t last long and when he takes his naps, we have a ton of fun when we get home. Some days there are screaming fits, especially when he is over tired and he is constantly wanting to be outside now but he sleeps better than ever (actually tries getting into his crib himself).

So, here I sit, wondering still if I am doing the right thing for our family and the answer will always be yes. We have goals for our family and to reach them, I need to be able to attend school. But I couldn’t do it without the support I get my Hubs. One of the benefits of marrying one of your closest friends, is you know that they always wanted the best for you and always will. While yes, we have to sacrifice time as a family and some alone time so I can study, we see it as being worth it. I lucked out with my Hubs cause he believes in me in a way that I wish I could believe in myself. Guess I need to take the time and look at myself through his eyes more often.

Healthy Kid Meals?

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I have been seeing this tread online lately: making healthy kid meals at home. This is an easy thing to do, for the most part, but I have been paying very close attention to the meals at restaurants for kids when I am out with my son and I am so disappointed. Even with the places that have “healthy meals” for them. This generally breaks down to switching fruit out for french fries. Fruit which is usually apple slices which yes are healthy but are still pretty sugary. As for drinks the only healthy drink is usually milk or water. Sometimes you can get an apple juice – which is even more sugar. Very rarely, if ever, you get a choice of vegetables – even carrot sticks. And I am not even talking about just fast food restaurants but also regular sit down places.

Now, there seems to be a basic idea of what kids eat at meals and this usually is: fried chicken nuggets, spaghetti (with tomato sauce no meat), grilled cheese, pizza, quesadillas, fried, fried, fried… and fried. Do we really need to look any further to why our kids become picky eaters? And only want to eat crap? Do we continue to have french fries available in kids meals, so we won’t feel guilty for eating them while our kid munches down on carrots or apples?

I can not say I am not guilty. The other day I was craving a burger from Wendy’s and my kid got one too but my husband got him fries. We try to be very careful with giving him crap food. We try not eating out as much because its such a temptation. And when we do, we try hard to be careful in his meal while we are out. We hit Quizno’s the other day on a quick meal out while running errands and I was a little surprised in a place that has a wide range of choices of meats, cheese and vegetables had such a crappy kids meal menu. Their choices: Flatbreads – 1 with three cheeses and the other with cheese & marinara then a meatball monster. Luckily they had a choice of build your own and I did just that… I got him a turkey, cheese with tomatoes, lettuce and avocado. While his only side choices were a cookie or chips… my husband and I got the baked chips and ate them ourselves. As for a drink… we had lemonade which I watered down.

At least I had the choice. I don’t have a choice in a lot of places when fried chicken nuggets (which, yes my son does enjoy) are the main choice. Why not bake them? Or do nuggets without the breading and grilled? My son loves grilled nuggets just as much as Fried. One of the few places that bakes their chicken nuggets: Target. They don’t have a fryer on hand just that giant rolling oven they make their flatbreads, pizzas and chicken strips in.

I read about how kids are fed in other countries, like France, where they do not have kids menus. Kids eat the exact same food as parents. These kids generally not only are less picky eaters but also have a greater appreciation for food as they grow up beyond just greasy yumminess that we all grow up on in the US.

I am trying to do this but it is hard when that $2.99 meal comes up and he needs to eat as well. I don’t mind sharing with my son but I am trying to break him from the habit of not eating his food so he can eat off my plate instead. At dinner, we make sure he has the same food we do. I make him the same breakfast I have on 5 out of 7 days. But when we are running errands and we have to stop for a quick meal we are generally not very lucky. One of the few places in the Denver area that has a reasonable kids menu is Ikea… they actually serve kids vegetables with their mac & cheese.

So, what do we do? For now, I am going to just start feeding him off of my plate again unless I see better meals for kids on the menus. It’s not like they don’t give us enough food on our plates.

Cheesy Pretzels!

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I am always looking for yummy, homemade healthy-ish snacks to make for my son. He loves all types of breads so I figured why not go ahead and try some soft pretzels and yum them up with some cheese:

I had a couple of people ask me for the recipe so here it goes. Now, these aren’t perfect yet. I needed to add more cheese – I ran out of time in the mixing because 1. our shredder sucks 2. I didn’t pre-shred the cheese early enough.

I took a soft pretzel recipe from FoodNetwork.com by Alton Brown and made some of my own changes. Here is the recipe from the website but I bolded the changes I made to it.

Ingredients

  • 1 1/2 cups warm (110 to 115 degrees F) water
  • 1 tablespoon sugar
  • 2 teaspoons kosher salt
  • 1 package active dry yeast
  • 22 ounces flour, approximately 4 1/2 cups (use 3 cups whole wheat flour, 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose white)
  • 2 ounces unsalted butter, melted
  • Vegetable oil, for pan
  • 10 cups water
  • 2/3 cup baking soda
  • 1 large egg yolk beaten with 1 tablespoon water
  • Pretzel salt (I just used a bit more kosher salt since I didn’t want them to be too salty since my son is only 14 months)
  • Shredded Cheese – Medium Sharp Cheddar was my choice. Use whatever you want – I recommend about 2 cups for mixing with the dough and 1 cup for topping it.

Directions (from FoodNetwork.com)

Combine the water, sugar and kosher salt in the bowl of a stand mixer and sprinkle the yeast on top. Allow to sit for 5 minutes or until the mixture begins to foam. Add the flour,cheeseand butter and, using the dough hook attachment, mix on low speed until well combined. Change to medium speed and knead until the dough is smooth and pulls away from the side of the bowl, approximately 4 to 5 minutes. Remove the dough from the bowl, clean the bowl and then oil it well with vegetable oil. Return the dough to the bowl, cover with plastic wrap and sit in a warm place for approximately 50 to 55 minutes or until the dough has doubled in size.

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Line 2 half-sheet pans with parchment paper and lightly brush with the vegetable oil. Set aside.

Bring the 10 cups of water and the baking soda to a rolling boil in an 8-quart saucepan or roasting pan.

In the meantime, turn the dough out onto a slightly oiled work surface and divide into 8 equal pieces. Roll out each piece of dough into a 24-inch rope, cut again into several small pieces. Make a U-shape with the rope, holding the ends of the rope, cross them over each other and press onto the bottom of the U in order to form the shape of a pretzel. Make small tubes of the dough, you should get about 28-32 depending on size (I made mine just big enough for Miles to hold easily). Place onto the parchment-lined half sheet pan.

Place the pretzels into the boiling water, 1 by 1, for 30 seconds. Remove them from the water using a large flat spatula. Return to the half sheet pan, brush the top of each pretzel with the beaten egg yolk and water mixture and lightly sprinkle with the pretzel salt and shredded cheese. Bake until dark golden brown in color, approximately 12 to 14 minutes. Transfer to a cooling rack for at least 5 minutes before serving.

I put about half of these in the freezer but you may not have to because they get eaten pretty quickly.

These are about 100 calories each.

FOOD!!

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So, my sons first birthday is right around the corner and I am going crazy with ideas for food. We are having a small gathering of family and some friends. Mostly finger foods. My dad is going to be bringing a turkey up – shredded that we will use for sandwiches. But its the snacks… we will be doing a lot of cooking and in fact I probably should start making a lot of the items this weekend. We have cupcakes and the cake. The cupcakes need a dry run though. Need to make sure I have it all down before I make them for the party.

Then we have some pizza sticks we are making. Miles loves pizza crust so we are going to make this sticks of the dough but making a few versions. One we will mix in cheese, then in another we will mix in carrots and zucchini, maybe another will have a sweet additive or cinnamon. He loves cinnamon.

For the sweet tooth – candies! I am making Mickey Mouse lollipops with red, white and dark chocolate. But I thought it would be fun to make some Pretzel Wands. Basically the larger pretzel sticks (take off some of the salt) then dip in chocolate and then dip in different color sprinkles.

As you can see from the list – there are some items that I can definitely make this weekend and store in the freezer for the party.

We will also be making cookies… probably just chocolate chip. I want to make more but also limited time. With family coming in we have a lot of things to do while everyone is here and the day of the party we are also having my son and niece’s baptism in the middle of the day. My husband and I have this really bad habit of doing as much as possible in a short period of time.

Time to run… someone just fell onto one of his toys. At least not blood just a boo-boo.

To Comic-Con or Not to Comic-Con…

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More specifically San Diego Comic Con. My husband and I recently sat down to talk about trying to make it out to San Diego Comic Con this summer, unfortunately it coincides with some family plans so we couldn’t. Then we talked about trying to make it next year but we are having some doubts. We have both been in the past. I made it the last year that they sold passes at the con for that year. He went the year the Twi-Heads destroyed it. Talking about these events made us wonder if it would really be worth going. I mean it is one of the few conventions we can attend that have some of the artists that do not make it to some of the smaller local conventions. Artists and Writers such as Jim Lee, Geoff Loeb, etc. It is also probably one of the largest gatherings of some of the lesser known artists. Guys who have been in the business for decades but no one stands in line to meet and barely acknowledges. I love meeting these guys, even if I do not know them by name. You can stand there for hours talking to them about their careers, looking at their books and they are always extremely friendly.

But one wonders is San Diego Comic Con really a comic convention anymore? Is it worth really going now for just the comics when it has become just another junket on the Hollywood Press tour for movies? And it’s not just comic movies they show anymore or even really sci-fi/fantasy. Most of them are centered on this but it’s about who can spend the money. I didn’t go and I don’t want to go to run into a famous actor or actress. This is not saying I haven’t met some famous people on the floor… I ran into Joss Whedon, Jim Lee, and more just walking around on the floor. And I loved it but that isn’t why I went.

While there is still a base of comics at the convention it is mainly just a basic con now. It has become a fashionable, hip place to go for your summer vacation. It’s now an item on many bucket lists. And sadly, it is because of this that we may not attempt to go. We want to because we have friends we want to see that will be there but not sure we want to deal with the mass crowds of people lining up to see some hip Hollywood star. This year we are hitting some smaller more local comic conventions in Albuquerque and Denver. As for next year, maybe we will go but we aren’t really sure. I think it depends on who is going and if we really want to hit the crowds. I personally want to go because there is a chance to have a wonderful conversation with a random person or sitting in a panel that others are ignoring and being slapped upside the head with a wonderful conversation that is going on. I don’t want to go to SDCC for the main stream things, I want to hit the Alex Ross table and see about purchasing one of his scratch papers finally. I want to sit in a panel of Garth Morrison as he waxes philosophical about Batman. I want to walk down an aisle and see amazing original artwork. I want to meet a random artist to discuss making comics with. I want to have dinner with friends I rarely get to see. I want to attend the costume contest and cheer for said friends as they conquer the event.

Damn it, I think I just talked us into going…

 

Personal Post 1

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I started back at school last week at Metro State and so far so good. Its nice to have time out of the house on my own. Doing something for myself that isn’t related to the house, child or hubby. Funny thing is the night before classes start I finally received my Associates Diploma from CNM.

One of the added benefits of going to school is the access to a pool and gym. Since Omar is able to be homes on Friday w the LO while I’m at school I am able to spend time working out. Something I really need.

One of the things I have found w being back in a regular classroom is I no longet have any trepidation speaking up in a classroom. I mean I don’t have full confidence in my intelligence but I’m not really concerned about what I say. So different then years ago doing everything I can to sit in the back of the class hoping I won’t be noticed by anyone let aline the teacher.

So here is to a good year of learning and opening not just my mind but myself to whats out there.

Kitchen Sweat Equity

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Well… we are almost done with the kitchen. Recently DH and Bf have framed out one of the arches. We have molding partially done. Still needs to be painted.

Right now its the details that we are working on. Getting the plugs put back in place. All the cabinet knobs on. Finishing the backsplash. Trims. Touch up painting. Etc.

We have some other things that are going to put the kitchen on hold. Due to a very curious child we have to renovate our family room. Not much just moving the tv and building an entertainment center that’s inserted in our wall so that wires, electrical equipment et al are out of reach.

We have some other things to do down there. Recently found out that the previous owner had fixed the basement right before the sale because their tenants had left the water on outside the house and there was damage. So we are going to do a mold test because somethings are happening to the walls that now make sense.

Will post pics soon of everything else.

Do It Again?

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I have been reading some of my old workout blogs… I have come a long way but also have backslid a TON. But rereading them has made me feel inspired to work out again and possibly blog about it.

Yay or Nay? I need to get this baby weight off now!