too much studying leads…

…to a very dull, stressed, crying Varza. That is right – I hate studying. Absolutely detest it with all my disgusting soul. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love school and learning new things but I hate the fact that I spent my last free weekend for a few months studying. I did go to dinner with a friend on Saturday night but couldn’t think of anything to talk about beyond my damned class. And on Sunday morning I was stressed from being up late Saturday night that when I went out with another friend to a movie and lunch I was in such a damned mood we got into a bit of a tiff. Course, in that situation I wasn’t the only one in a mood… so I can’t blame all that on my Anatomy class but I will because I can.

I think the main reason I do not like studying a lot is because its generally for classes that I suck in. And when I say suck, I mean big time. I actually sat in my class last Thursday starring at the teacher as he spoke with my mouth open and completely and utterly lost. Well, and I was trying not to fall asleep. I do that a lot when it comes to science classes that are not interactive. My mom had recommended I just sit and listen, I tried only to find myself fighting very hard to keep my eyes open for a majority of the class.

At least the quiz we had last week, I did better on then the first one. I got a 23 out of 30. Still got seven wrong but it wasn’t 9 wrong! ha! Like it really matters. I will spend another evening tonight, working on lab homework and studying/reading until I pass out from boredom.

This is a big hill in my journey – mainly because its a struggle and something in the past I would normally just walk away from because I hate feeling stupid and this lecture and lab make me feel like my IQ is actually a 27 instead of a 127 or is it 128? I can’t remember, I know when I am tired its 119 but whatever. Time to get back to work so I can finish up here then head to the gym for a few hours then home to study, eat, sleep, wake up and head back to the gym then study group and then class again.

Then add in the fact that I can not relax enough to truly enjoy reading a fun book, that I read and then get bored because the last thing I want to do is read another printed word… its sad really, I mean my life is books pretty much and I can’t find enjoyment in it. This class is destroying that!  I don’t even want to go into my lack of ability to write one creative word beyond “it was a dark and stormy night” and “a long time ago”. Ugh… breathe, varza, breathe! Only 9 more weeks and then it is over!

Damned my life is boring as hell! Next semester I am taking that damned film as literature class and western civ II. MUCH more interesting!

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this is new…

… if you have been here before you may be asking yourself: wth varza! What have you done to your blog!??!?!?! Well, basically, like many things in my life lately – it was time for a change. Time to clean up a bit and actually make this a more focused blog then something that is just a bunch of general spouting off of crap that it was when I started.

This is kind of something that has happened by accident. It seems that for the last few months, my blogs are becoming more and more about the changes going on with my life. Be those changes mind, body or soul… and I thought it would be nice to actually make it about that. Hence the line on my banner: …to rise from the ashes… and be born anew. This is actually the title of my workout journal at the 300DC website and it really has become part of my attitude with my working out and with much of what is going on with my life.

Last year was a “Trial by Fire” (my last workout journal title) and now I am starting to “rise from the ashes” and hopefully will be born anew sometime in the near future, just like the Phoenix. I am stealing Dumbledore’s animagus and I don’t care! I am a Slytherin, he can deal with it. lol…

I am going to be continuing to blog about my workouts, school, the things that come into my mind as I finally start to grow up into a big girl. Am I done working on myself? Nope, not in a long run… right now I am JUST getting started. And this is now the official home of the Journey of Varza into take womanhood… being done at the age of 33 years young. Its about time, I guess… 😀

I hope you continue to stay with me as I go and smack me if I do something stupid… I do that a lot – more often then not. lol! Does this mean that some random weird blogs won’t show up? No, but more often then not they may actually make some sense to someone other then myself.

As for the colour change – I figured something lighter, but not too light was in order for this change. Plus the orange didn’t really go with the new banner and supposedly, the black was hard to read on… lol!

Toodles for now! More later!