October is my favorite month of the year. Not just because the smell of Pumpkin Spice is in the air, though that is an added bonus. I truly can not pinpoint the exact reason why I get giddy each time October rolls around but I do. I start counting down to it as soon as September starts. Each time I see a beautiful orange-red leaf fall to the grass and a cool breeze gives me a shiver, I smile and become a happier person. Even the smell of fall is something that I can not help but love, its crisp and fresh.
As the month progresses, I know it will end in fun a happiness as I begin to get ready to decorate my house for Halloween. A night when strangers come to your home and you give them a gift. Even though it is just a piece or two of candy there is something bonding in the action of saying hello, see a smile on a child’s face as they watch you drop something so small and seemingly insignificant into their bag. Then in just another moment you watch them skip or run off into the night, with their parents in tow, as they visit the next house.
Yes, they are in costume but why not. You get to for one single night pretend to be anyone or anything you want. A dark mysterious creature or a hero – anything. Let your imagination run wild and it is to just have fun. There is no one looking at what you got and judging to see if it measures up to what is popular or telling you that you are celebrating it wrong. Whether you decorate and dress up or not… its your call.
This is also the month where we usher in a period of time that is supposed to be about family, sharing, and togetherness. I adore the time from now until January (minus my finals of course).
We are a good way into the month and I am loving the cold, crisp days but right now I just want to go read a scary story while I sip hot apple cider while sitting under a pile of blankets.
(this was originally written on 9-26-09 so its old news but I guess I didn’t hit publish, so no need to read it if you know all about my love life crap already)
Yes, yes I am! But life has just been in a transitional phase for me lately and let me give you a little run down.
I have stated in the past year or so that I was ready for a relationship and what not and yes, I got slammed by some people saying you don’t need anyone you can be happy on your own blah blah blah. And I was happy on my own but I also knew I was ready emotionally and mentally for a true blue relationship. Just over a year ago I stated this… and now, now I am with someone who makes me extremely happy. Now, I just have to say – this person is not new in my life. This is someone who I have been attracted to over a course of several years but I never thought I had a chance with – in fact, I tried to pursue it but things just never seemed to happen. The timing was never right… but suddenly, everything fell into place.
And here is why – I realized I was truly ready to let go of the past and move on. I was ready to fully give myself to someone 100%… and after thinking about what I really wanted, I realized that what and who I wanted was already in my life. He was just waiting for me to wake the hell up and really see what was standing in front of me for the past 6 years. Hell, according to him I was the only one not aware of it.
So, am I happy… hell’s yes. More then I could ever imagine. It just sucks that he isn’t closer.
Now, I do not regret not getting together sooner. I look at it as a positive. I have major major trust issues with guys and when you meet someone and then have to build up that trust in a romantic relationship – its not easy. I had 6 years of learning to trust this man and know that he was there for me and I also know that he walked into this relationship seeing my crazy side several times over. It makes it easier to get thru some of the rough patches because we know its worth fighting for and working through. Especially in a long distance relationship when it would be so easy to walk away from something just because there was a misunderstanding… we are using our friendship as a true building block to something more.
I can’t speak for him… I can only speak for myself. And I am not wholey comfortable opening up but I wanted to share this because some of you have been there watching as I struggled to open myself up to something real and go from hiding and being angry to seeing that I was ready to move on. I wanted it known – that when you really are ready, something amazing and beautiful can happen to you.
Now, to see where this goes… this is a journey I am so happy to be on.