Please note – you can follow me during my workouts on my twitter account! Its not a full blown account but I do post while working out and comments et al…
12 Apr 2013 Leave a Comment
Warning: this is a stream of consciousness post – parts may not make any sense at all to you
Here is the deal… I am 37 years old, overweight, stressed out and I seriously thought for many years: one of the most boring people on the planet. I have yet to graduate college with a Bachelor’s (I received my Associates Degree in Lib Arts about a 1.5 years ago – about the same time my son was born), it took me until I was 35 to get over the delusions of what romance was supposed to be and what I really deserved (to be happy in all ways), I hadn’t lived a life for many would consider normal. I mean hell, my bucket list is still barely put together let alone having much of it checked off. Part of that is due to the fact, now that I look at it, is that I actually have done many things but I have so much I want to do. I flip-flop on whether to have another kid or not, I nag my husband like crazy, I still make wishes and know they probably won’t come true and I have a hard time keeping a blog because who wants to read about my life. I barely do.
Life can often make you feel like you have to have it all at once and that once is when you are super young, barely out of high school and your brain isn’t even fully formed yet to truly appreciate the life you have. This is one of the first things I had to get over when I realized I wanted to find love, real true love and I felt it was too late for me. I was 34 and never had a deep meaningful relationship because I never felt I was worth loving – deep deep issues there. I also lived in the world of what romance is supposed to be by what we are fed thru movies, novels and songs. We often think the idea of the old maid by 25 is gone in todays society but in many ways it isn’t. We are unidated with the idea that we have to have it all by the time we are 30 and if we don’t we are a failure in life. I know I felt that way, in many ways I gave up on life completely because what was the point.
Part of what helped me grow out of this was opening my eyes. In romantic comedies – the best ones star women who are in their late 30s or 40s not their early 20s. In romance novels – its make believe by women who want that romance in their life. And romance isn’t sex and sex isn’t romance. Romance is sitting on the couch in your PJs, haven’t showered that day and cuddling with your honey as you watch Project Runway on your DVR.
But I digress… a big part of this was that I thought I was boring. I mean, I never really feel like anyone wants to go out of their way to be my friend or get to know me. Because of this I have pulled myself out of the social world. Its hard and lonely at times. I appreciate that I am in school because it gives me a chance to meet some amazing people. But I am finding through my conversations with them… I am very far from boring. Knowing that I probably won’t see them again after the end of the semester (except for seeing them on campus from time to time) I don’t hold myself back and I don’t hide myself. Hell, I barely held myself back in the past but now I just don’t care. And I am enjoying myself so much more. Yes, those doubts come back. Yes, I still have a hard time leaving my house to meet up with people or going some place where I may have to talk to someone… I am still working on that because my son needs to go to the park more often and I am sadly on the verge of becoming homebound.
I am not a shy person, I am actually very outgoing, loud, and I used to be wild (I can’t tell stories about that :p). My quietness is out of fear… fear of being rejected by others. I lucked out and married a man who loves me even though he thought I was more together then I am. But he still loves me and seems to enjoy my company at times.
As I continue to grow up, found my major/minor, hold back from hitting people for idiocy because I realize they still have to grow up as well, and live my life. I am seeing more and more life opened up to me. I find that I am not the only person in the history of the world who became or attempted to become a writer in their late 30s or even later. There is a saying that you are never too old to start something new… but why wait until you are almost too old… do it now. Quit the excuses and realize maybe what you have to say is interesting. I am trying – trying to realize that if people really want to get to know me… will and they will love me for who I am and find me fascinating! Hell, my son thinks I am the awesomeness that awesome… I just need to believe that as well.
As for the people who pushed me aside and decided they knew who I am before really getting to know me… their loss. They saw this one dimension instead of putting on the glasses that put me in 3D. And they will miss out when I finally do start dancing in the middle of the hallway at school to that song I am listening to. I already have it choreographed and have been practicing in the parking structure at school.
As he says at the beginning (FIND A HERO IN YOU!)
25 Mar 2013 Leave a Comment
I don’t know if I can really be upset about reboots anymore. Because if you think about what we would be missing if we hadn’t been rebooting stories throughout time. Would we have the great myths of Greek & Roman mythology? How many times has Shakespeare been done… in diff languages or styles? I know of at least 10 different Hamlets in the same number of years. I am more upset by the rebooting of bad stories now then good stories. We should want to keep retelling the stories. Reboot them when we can maybe make them better. These are essentially our modern mythologies that will be retold over and over again over the centuries. The ones our descendents will be telling their children about. Would the fans of Euripides be upset about how often his plays were rebooted? Now… Hollywood quit the reboot of Van Helsing, the story sucked and reboot Bringing Up Baby. I am sure people are going to disagree with me because yes, sometimes the reboots are not as good as the originals. But are all the versions of Shakespeare well done?
19 Feb 2013 Leave a Comment
Just because I do not have enough on my plate at the moment, I have decided I really need to start practicing and getting better at certain crafts. When I was a teenager, my mom taught me the basic granny square for crocheting and for a long time this is all I have ever known. Last year, I started teaching myself how to make a scarf and I did make one pretty successfully. I recently signed up on a website that has online video classes for crafts and I am really enjoying it.
I have a goal for this year, well it was last years goal but it didn’t happen because I started too late, that is to attempt to make almost all my Christmas presents and well all presents. It won’t be easy because crafting things from scratch takes a long time when you have only a few hours to yourself a day and most of that is full of working on my novel and school work. But hence – why I need to start now and not wait until November like last year. Thankfully the person who received the one thing I was able to make (beyond the tutus for my nieces) really appreciated it.
Why do I want to learn more? Well, in hopes of saving some money in the end but I like making things and finishing them. I want to move beyond my basic knowledge and get better. I just recently started a granny square afghan for hubs and my bed but I am upping it a step by trying to make several large granny squares then sewing them to make an afghan big enough for our king size bed. Its an overwhelming task at the moment because it has taken me a week to just the first square started.
My goal is that by the end of the year I have some basic knowledge on quilting, pillow making, knitting and a deeper knowledge of crocheting. I don’t want to have to go and buy hats when I lose them – I want to make a replacement with yarn I have on hand. But we shall see how it goes. There isn’t a huge amount of spare time on my hands but my son is getting better at allowing me to do something other then pay attention to him. Even if I had to restart several rows in my latest project because he thought it would be fun to tie himself up with my yarn.
11 Jan 2013 1 Comment
Hubs and I have decided to start putting away money & slowly start buying things we need to renovate our main bathroom. It is not going to be easy. The bathroom is so dang small. Probably about a 6 x 6 square. The items in there make it feel very small so one of the main goals is to find ways to make it appear and feel larger then it really is. And nope, there is no way to make it bigger. On one side is our dining area, the other is our son’s bedroom, the back is the outside of the house and the door is at a 90deg angle for the door to our son’s room. And is partially blocked by the vents for our heater – which is way too expensive to move.
But! This can be a good thing because we won’t be tempted to make this HUGE fancy bathroom like you see on the tv. No room for a tv or coffee maker. Just one that works for our family of three. One doesn’t have several different tiles in it (shower, non-shower walls and floor) that don’t match.
With wanting to make it feel larger, we are going to have to do some eye deceiving tricks. Our vanity is a large wood one that goes from the floor to the sink in a black formation. No openings to make it feel lighter or more spacious. It does seem someone else had attempted to make some changes by painting it white from the original dark wood. Unfortunately, they did not paint it correctly so its very streaky and you can see clumps of dirt in the paint. The same goes for the vanity mirror with medicine cabinet – which is wall mounted. Our goal for this area will be to make it feel more open. The sink area is right next to the door so it would be nice to open it up a bit.
First goal – buy a recessed medicine cabinet. It would be nice to just have a mirror but with a bathroom that is so small, we need all the storage we can get. This will give us several inches of space that will no longer be taken up by (once again) a badly painted medicine cabinet. Maybe then I can have a towel holder that is more then just a hook or another recessed storage space for the side wall. Would be nice for some smaller things like cotton swabs, etc.
The next is the sink and cabinet. We have been ‘floating’ around the idea of a floating cabinet with a simple sink. Hubs likes the idea of a corner vanity which would give us a bit more room around the toilet. Both are good. We have been watching a lot of House Hunters International esp ones in older cities where they have very old buildings for homes with limited space in them. Kind of like our bathroom space. What have they done to theirs to make it feel luxurious and roomy but with limited capacity. You don’t see too many spa like bathrooms in the tiny apartments of Paris or London but they are well done. This will come down to research and pricing. Ikea has floating vanities for around $300 and corner vanities that don’t look cheap can be around the same amount. More then we want to spend so we will be doing a lot of shopping to see what we can find. Looks like we will be making some trips to the Habitat for Humanity store and the Extras (places they sell left overs from stores) store to see what they have on hand.
I think I am going to attempt to keep the bathroom the yellow we already have it painted. Its bright and it makes the room feel less claustrophobic. I would like to take the tiles off the walls that are not in the shower area and just paint to the floor. I don’t see a reason for tiles on the walls in non-showering areas. They are pain to keep clean. If not, maybe a nice wall paper but with a small space, I want to keep it simple. A basic light yellow would work wonders.
That is all for now… more later on ideas and planning for a renovation of our bathroom. We are aiming for about 6 months of planning, researching, and buying before we start. Spread it out.
11 Dec 2012 Leave a Comment
Instead of working on my paper today I wrote this poem… to the tune of Jays Rap from Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back:
Quoting Hamlet, quoting Claudius,
Research paper getting done,
Put your quotes in my hand,
MLA quotes – hate the man,
Edit once, Edit twice,
Quoting Oedipus, Quoting Creon
Compare them all to this tune!!
Put your quotes in my hand,
MLA quotes -hate the man,
Write it up! Write it up! Write it up!
31 Oct 2012 2 Comments
Yesterday became a day I really never thought I would see… an announcement that Episodes 7 – 8 – 9 will be made in the Star Wars franchise. I gave that up many years ago because Lucas kept saying the third trilogy was never going to happen. The actors were too old, time has passed, I want to do other thing. Now because of the buyout of LucasFilm by Disney we have found out that the movies will actually happen but without Lucas at the helm.
While I am super-duper excited, for many reasons, I can’t help but worry that what so many fans, including myself, will be expecting will not happen. Why? Because we really have no clue what vision these new people will have. Yes, people are excited that Lucas won’t be part of it but myself, I am a bit worried he won’t have any hand in it. Maybe with the Prequels he spent too much time int he kitchen, refusing to let anyone else in but he was always involved in some way with anything else that has happened in the Star Wars universe. Skywalker Ranch was the eye of the Star Wars hurricane. He was also the one who made the major decisions on parts of the Extended Universe – while we all were angry at Salavatore for killing Chewie it was really Lucas who chose him out of a list of many. So, one wonders… who is going to be the guiding hand in this. Will they keep it in some semblence of a Star Wars Universe or will be suddenly have a completely new world that makes no sense.
In a video released yesterday after the announcement of Disney buying LFL, Lucas tells us he is retiring and handing his reins over to Kathleen Kennedy:
First thing on my mind was… who is this woman? Second, I am kind of sad George is walking away now. I know, I know… people say he screwed the pooch and messed of the Universe with the Prequels but I on of the few that don’t think he did. At least as badly as many people bitch about.
So, now we have to wait until 2015 to find out how screwed up can possibly look. I am not hoping for the best right now and there is a ton of speculation of who will fill the Directors chair.
- Christopher Nolan doubt it, he has Superman on his hands now
- the chick behind the Twilight movies and Riding Hood – I really hope not. I don’t like her movies.
- JJ Abrams: nope, in the middle of a Star Trek trilogy
- Whedon: nope, he will be busy for the next decade on the Avengers Trilogy
- Robert Rodriguez – intrigued by his style might not match the series very well but he has done a lot of high action, hi CG films and he a Hollywood outsider like Lucas.
My only hope is that whoever they get, they will love the series as much as we diehard fans do because you have to love it to do it right, IMHO. Lord of the Rings was as amazing as it is because Jackson was so passionate about the books and loved them. He put that love into the movies. Many things were changed but he kept the soul of the story. You can not just put a body into the chair for Star Wars, they must have that same love for it. Of course, I have a hard time imaging a director in Hollywood who doesn’t love the Series. They are also going to have to be willing to focus on these three movies for the next 12-15 years (depending on when pre-production starts) which is not easy if you have other projects you want to work on. Of course, they could just round robin the 3rd trilogy like with Harry Potter. Get a different director for each movie, finding the one whose strength will work best with the direction of that particular film. I am not a fan of this because you must have a connecting feeling.
One of the least likeable thing about the HP movies (at least the first few) is that the setting, feeling, etc changed with each director because each one had their own vision for the series. While, yes, the Original Trilogy was directed by three different people the feeling stayed the same. Why? Because they had the same person keeping an eye on things. Okaying everything – Lucas. As producer he was able to make decisions about what happened. These are some of the hurdles the series will have and it’s just been announced.
The same with the writing. Lucas has mentioned he has things written down and its ready for someone to take and create a screenplay with. This is my second concern. The story. While yes, we want to see the magic cast back from the originals and we are all fully aware that there is no way they could set this right after the OT (original trilogy) because of this. People have speculated that they could, if they use Pixar and animate it but I don’t think that would work. How can you have 3 out of 9 movies be animated while the rest are live action?? Yes, I know Lucas had animated characters but it was a mixed world of CG and human actors. This means we need to look at a possible third generation. .Vader is dead, Luke and Leia are older. The Star Wars stories focus on the Skywalker family which means we have to see kids.
I can only hope that whom ever takes on the job of writing the movies looks towards the Extended Universe because there is a plethora of material there. Material that fans adore and obsess over already. I also believe that if you want to keep the fans on your side, especially with Star Wars, you need to go there. Yes, there is an openness of using the Star Wars world as background then jumping ahead so many years but I have a feeling if you give Han & Leia kids and they are not named: Jacen, Jaina and Anakin you will have some very angry customers on your hands. If Luke isn’t married to Mara Jade with a kid named Ben… you get my drift?
Now my plea to the producers of the 3rd Tri-logy… so to the bookstore and start reading. Find a story in something that is already published. You do not have to go with that exact story but there is a rich world there to pull from. Amazing dramas, characters who are well thought out. But there are some well written stories:
- Anything with Thrawn- the blue dude with attitude. He is probably one of the best villains in the EU.
- Mara Jade Skywalker – once the Hand of the Emporer, now the wife of Luke. She kicks ass and has a very filled our resume in the EU.
With these three characters being drawn into the series, you have so may stories you can build upon but I believe there are several that are worth noting.
- The New Jedi Order Series: While Thrawn is there right before it happens. This is about an invasion into the galaxy from outside. Its dark, gruesome and would be visually stimulating. The sucky part is that the first book has a death in it that would crush non-EU reading fans and it would be difficult to explain. While amazing… not the best choice.
- Legacy of the Force Series: This is a very powerful series and would help round out the movie series. We see yet another Skywalker fall into darkness, following the steps of his grandfather. It takes place 40 after a new hope – just about right for the age of the actors of the OT and they are in the series pretty heavily. But the story focuses more on the next generation and a rebirth of the Empire many decades later. Out of all the books I believe this one would translate the best for the big screen.
My only hope though is that it continues to be amazing. We have a lot coming at us in the Star Wars world right now. The Clone Wars continues on Cartoon Network, we have the new Detours by Seth Green and the highly anticipated live action series. I am excited to see what happens. I can not wait to buy tickets and see the new movies on the big screen with my son; just as my parents took me. I am in love with the knowledge that this series I love so damned much, has helped me in many ways is still alive and kicking.
01 Oct 2012 Leave a Comment
I should be doing homework…
Instead, I am sitting in the library playing Pottermore and chatting with people on Twitter. I know that sounds horrible but that isn’t all I did in the past hour and fifteen minutes. I also wrote over 400 words on my story. OOOOOOHHHHH, goes the crowd.
Yeah, I know it doesn’t sound like much but it works. It is something. I wish it was more and at this rate, at about 1000-1800 words a week, I will have a very badly written novel done in another 67 weeks… or by next Christmas. Not really a prime goal for me especially since I had been hoping to be done by the end of the year. But this weekend, instead of working on my novel in the evenings like I sometimes do I spent it finishing up writing a fictional account of someone who was awakened by the writings of Thomas Paine in journal style for a late paper for my History class. Does that count as writing? It was 2,799 words which is about the length of a paperback chapter. It was just as bad but it has given me an idea of a possible story down the road.
That’s part of the problem with wanting to write… you find so many stories out there in the world. It would be easy to jump from one story to another but I got advice from a pop culture icon (I won’t say who but I was excited as peas in soup when he responded to a comment I made) about a month back when discussing multiple projects. He said “It’s important to finish something” and that is when I realized that as I stared at the 13 files I had sitting in my special section of docs for my writings, none of them were finished. Some were barely a page or two, some a couple of chapters or scenes in but none of them were finished. It was one thing to get inspired by an idea and write it down. It was another to completely stop your work then start another one that is once again left unfinished when another idea pops into your head.
Now, at the time I was given this advice through Facebook comments, I was working on four different things at once and this was BEFORE school had even started. I decided then I needed to buckle down and just finish something. Yes, it may not ever get published but who cares. I can say… “I wrote a novel. It isn’t published but look! I wrote 100,000+ words and it is a completed story! Take that doubts in my head! I did something in my life I have always wanted to do!” (I can only hope that then maybe they will go on vacation to Russia and not come back.) Then I can move onto something else. It of course helps a bit that outside my writing I am raising a very rambunctious toddler who drives me bonkers, taking classes that, oh my gosh, are requiring me to write as well. I am using my personal writing as a way to focus and give me some personal creativity time.
Do I see myself as a professional writer? I don’t know, maybe not but after talking to my professor this morning I did find that if I ever wanted to be a professor – yeah, I know crazy write (haha!) – I had to get published with something. I really didn’t know this, that to be a professor of English you have to know what you are talking about. Weird, I know! One of the best things though, is she offered to help me on another dream project I have… publishing my poetry. She said, whenever I am ready. Which to me has been the coolest thing I have heard since my mom told me submitted her Masters application and before that the sound of my son yelling Mama as I cooked dinner a few weeks back. Alright, I hear a lot of good and cool things in my life but it made me feel really good that a teacher of mine offered a hand to help me. I like my poetry better than my prose and I have always wanted to see it in print, in a collection. I don’t see myself as a Maya Angelou but just a poet who wrote some things when she was a younger… I just wish I still wrote like I used to and every once in a while be printed (my first poem in print was when I was 10 in a school collection, so cool!).
As I have grown up over the years, mostly in the past six since I turned 30, I have learned a lot that I wish I had known when I was younger. I think we all go thru that but I am finding that if you reach out and ask a question you can get so much guidance in unexpected ways. How was I to know that some off-hand comment that I made on a Facebook page would lead to a couple of words that would make me open my eyes in an unexpected way. I am 36 years old, still in college because it took me 18 years to finish my Associates Degree; something I didn’t think I would ever get. I am aiming to finish college with a Bachelor’s but it took a long time for me to realize because someone else smacked my virtual head, that it’s important to finish something. This is important not just with my writing but in a lot of other ways. If you do not finish things… its hard to grow because you never completely leave the path you were on before. You can only stretch yourself so thin, right, how many things have to go unfinished; so finish something and move on with your life. What you finish will be a step to the next level in your life. I wonder if my lack of finishing things so often in my life is one of the reasons I like the … which leaves your sentences open-ended, never-ending, never completed. Which is so much of my life…